Winter's Day & Daffodils

It's been a busy winter and it seems there has not been many days without it snowing. A true New England winter, something like the one's I remember when young. There was always plenty of snow for sledding and building snow forts, as this winter has been for play. I don't mind the winter though I dislike driving in bad weather, but I love the seasons. I find winter is most beautiful from the warmth of my home, looking out the window. Every day, I plan on getting out and getting some pictures. Maybe tomorrow. The snow must be up to my thighs in some places. Even more than the winter's snow, there has been other thoughts recently.

My Mother's birthday has come and gone on January 25th. She would of been 88 years old. I thought about her on that day. And, as winter moved on from her birth date, it seemed that I have thought of her more and more. I knew why that I did as I remembered clearly what was approaching and it has. It was time to order daffodils. I had ordered them that Febuary 2006. I loved when they were always delivered in March, as they seemed to bring in the fresh feel of spring in the air. By March, the winter seems long enough and all are ready to get outside in some sun. In Feb. 2006, I had ordered daffodil bulbs, as I had been doing every year. My Mother had passed away that March. When I returned home from her bed side that day that she passed away, there on the table were the daffodils which I had ordered. That "touch of spring" bright yellow flowers caught my eye when I entered my home, exhausted. I had just lost my Mother. I placed the pussy willow branches from her hospital room beside the flowers.

It was because of those pussy willows and daffodils that brought the idea of making my Mother's garden; a garden in memory of her.

Last week, I ordered the spring daffidols and soon the March 25th date will be upon us, marking the second year of my Mother's passing. Its been on my mind.

The other night, I read this blog. I scrolled down to the very end of it, where actually is my first story that started this blog and I read it once again. I had no thoughts at that time of creating this blog as all I had wanted to do was just write that memory in the first post about my childhood and then I couldn't stop writing. Yet, when I looked over this blog the other night, I noticed something. I noticed it had begun to change after awhile and it no longer was a blog of mouring and loss and grief but instead one that represented this blog's title; "The Beauty Of Life". I found myself feeling many emotions as I read over this blog again. Its poems, lyrics, pictures, emails, quotes, stories, comments. It is full of memories of the past and memories in the making. Over time, this blog has shown the journey of a family, in many ways. It has many emotions within it and most of them all expressed as deeply as felt. But, its changed over time. Yes, we are of course allowed to express grief and loss as it comes up. That is always the healing process that goes on. Sometimes more difficult at times than other times. Yet, life does go on even when you might wish the world would just stop for awhile so you can just be still and feel exactly as you do for a bit before moving on again.

I read on and remember the first time celebration and good times were added to this site. It was enjoyable to write on uplifting times yet, I also remember pangs of guilt for adding such good times on a blog which I had dedicated to my Mother's memory. Yet, the title of this blog in her memory was about Life; It's Beauty and that alone more than anything else was my Mother. So, I continued on and added birthdays and parties and vacations. Those things my Mother would have wanted; the good times. She loved life and lived it to it's fullest. She was one of these people who lit up the room by just walking into it. She was a life of the party and loved to sing and dance and have fun. And so this blog has included many things, when our Mother was with us and in memory of her, she is still a part of everything we celebrate.

Soon, I will have those daffodils on the table once more, a sign of spring nearing, and soon the pussy willows in my Mother's garden will pop open with their peach soft buds, and then once again her garden will florish and blossom. And, once again March 25th will come and it will go but not without our thoughts and perhaps tears but as my Mother would of wanted, I have no doubt....Life will go on with it's many good times and sad; joyful and painful because in all things is the beauty of life.