Some Xmas Pictures

Don on his lap top

Heidi, Charlie, Ashley and Kelsey get ready to enjoy!

Don preparing Xmas Dinner, almost done

Time

Christmas is now behind us for another year and soon it will be a new year. This Christmas was simpler than usual, even if gifts did not show it. I didn't stress as I usually do and race to beat the clock the day before Christmas with last minute shopping still needing to be done. I didn't have piles of wrapping to be do or days and nights of preparing. It just felt simpler this year and it also felt calmer. I had a wonderful Christmas. We did our usual, our own made yearly tradition, where we went to Heidi's house on Christmas eve. We had ham and odds and ends of things she made; she always makes a delicious ham. We all then open some present that are between us only, the kids knowing that Santa will bring his in the night when they are sleeping.

After, we all went over my sister's house where my brother is usually and others in the family. This year we had agreed that we would not exchange gifts between each other and we all stuck to that. I had thought it might seem a bit odd not to exchange gifts, but it was fine. We munched on foods my sister and Jack had made; talked and just enjoyed each other's company.

It was about 10pm when we got home and i made the stuffing for the turkey in the morning. Heidi and her family came for Christmas dinner that Don and i had made together. It was simple done that way and everything came out perfect. Later in the day, Tammy and Josh came over. Tammy had to work til 3 and by the time she got there, she was starved. She couldn't wait to have some of my stuffing and gravy. There was plenty.

I got Don a lap top computer for Christmas. He knows nothing about computers and my first "lesson" with him was how to turn it on and shut it down. He love it (and is now searching for his interest in sports; history; motorcycles; hunting and such) and he loved the bedspread and matching valances for his room that I got him, in the design and stamp of an elk , a trademark of his guns. I finally got his computer up and running late Christmas night. He had given me a digital picture frame and that took me many more hours to figure out how to take my pictures off my computer and put it in this frame, but I finally figured it out and they look beautiful! Its a constant slide show of my pictures. I've put about 40 pictures on it, but it holds 1000 and I look forward to filling it.

I worked the day before Christmas and the day after. And now, I've had a long weekend. I've been working on trying to get "things" organized in my life! Including my own room! There is so much I need to do and so much I want to do that I have just let go over quite a time. So, I've made up my mind to find some kind of much needed balance in my life. I've been busy.

Sunday, I started to print out the remaining pages of this blog as I have kept it in a book since the beginning. I had not printed out the pages in some time, so it took me a good amount of time to "catch up". I also ran out of ink and other things. So, on Sunday, I did what I could with what I had. I also started cutting the pages of pictures that had once been printed of different things in the past year. They were all piled in a cabinet. I filled my last picture album book also on Sunday, as I tried to get these much neglected things in order. Yesterday, I went shopping and bought all that I needed to continue to work on everything; even better would be to complete it all. I did complete printing this blog out, placing the pages into plastic and into the book. I also made the book finally it's cover. Its just about done now. I also have started to gather the pictures needed for my next memory book. My dining room table is a mess of all these things and I told my husband last night that I needed a "work shop" added on the house. He just gave me "the look". I took it as it wasn't going to happen.

And here I am. Before my "book" is complete with this blog, there are still some unfinished things I know that I need to do here. I know that I need to write my introduction for my book, that I hope will always be kept in the family and enjoyed. That, I will do in a document. But, there is a post yet to be written here. Not only one from me, but of my sister's, which she has already written and continues to wait for me. She has patience because she has waiting for months and months for me to do this. I just don't know how to start this next post; an "assignment" of sorts that we, my sister and I gave to ourselves.

This "assignment" stems from the book "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom. He is also the author of "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". When the book "For One More Day" came out, my sister and I talked about, what if we had one more day with our mother, what would we do? How would we spend it? And there it began. We both had agreed to write on this and put our writings here, in this blog. This will be a closure to me here, in a way, as I shift over after to the new blog, "Home Sweet Home". Though, I won't close this blog. It means too much to me.

Life's Lessons

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Noah

Josh and Tammy's (Bev's youngest daughter) first child, a boy, to be born on March 9th (due date). I'm taking pictures of Tammy's belly each month and we've bought some creative memory books and fun things to make those creative memories from the start!

Everyone is excited and looking forward to "Noah's" birth. There hasn't been a baby in the family for 8 years. Ashley is the youngest at this time.

There will be no "let down" period after Christmas, and no long, dragged out winter after the holidays are over. The greatest gift comes after.

Remembrance...

Veteran's Day 2008

Engagement Announcement

My daughter Tammy, with Josh in the picture that was in the newspaper for their engagement announcement.

Approaching Autumn

Time goes so quickly, its hard to believe that summer has come to an end. Labor Day weekend is usually our "official" summer's end. Already, just a week into September, and leaves have been changing in their colors; some even have fallen to the ground. I look forward to this season and all that it brings as it is my favorite season even if winter will follow. I try to take time each day to watch the changes that fall brings, as before you know it, the beautiful display of reds, oranges, and yellows are taken with the winds that bring us winter.

I have yet to add spring's vacation that Barb and I took. We had a beautiful week and did take many pictures. This summer has been busy, mostly with my job as i work many hours, however there is certainly greater news than that! Recently we celebrated the engagement of my youngest daughter, Tammy. Her husband to be, Josh, is someone that you would want your daughter to marry. We also had a "homewarming" party for them. It was at my home and about 50 guests came. Tammy was totally surprised right up until she drove into the driveway and we yelled "surprise"! Josh was aware of it, as it was his job to bring her.

More news is the latest addition to this family will arrive in March 2009. At least that is the date that we've been given. Tammy is in her third month of pregnacy. She wants to know what sex her baby is. I am sure that I will br writing much more on all of this news. For now, I'll post some pictures of Tammy & Josh.

This morning, my sister came over and brought a couple of pictures of me when I was a child and a copy of my father's history, which has been traced back to 1493. This weekend, my sister and brother visited my father's niece in Maine. "Dorothy" has worked for many years on tracing her family back and this morning Barb brought me a copy of this in brief, as Dorothy's completed work on this is written in volumes. I looked this over with Barb this morning and found it so interesting, each and every person. I don't believe that I would ever had appreciated a treasure such as this, prior losing my mother, at least not to the degree that I do now. It seems, as years go on and losses are felt, the appreciation of what was is deeply sought. We so much want to pass all that we can onto our own children. Sadly, the deepness of appreciation seems not felt until these losses first occur. I will make copies of this treasure and place in my book "The Beauty Of Life" (this blog has been printed and placed into a book that continues to grow).

Thank you, Dorothy, for sharing such a priceless gift you created for your family. It will be treasured.

New Day

Here once again, and so much to catch up on. I now have a new computer that actually works, which is something I'm quite happy to report on. However, not long ago I lost my other computer, as it just died on me and I lost many hundreds of pictures, infact over a thousand of pictures. So, I begin once again and I've done this before.

There is much news to share on, as there is often. I do enjoy those quiet still times also, where everything just seems to be settled in a peaceful place at the time. Those times never last, as life move on and grows, just as it is suppose to do. So, the news that i share at this time, will be unfolding forever now, as our lives continue to change.

Lets see. At the moment, Heidi and Charlie, along with the kids are off camping for vacation along the coast. We've had flooding rains for a week and many roads have been washed out. I have thought of them, huddled in the tent as the rains poured down and everyone a bit on edge. Though, I hope that is not the case and their campsite is the only dry, sunny spot in the state. Somehow though, I'm doubting that is the case. Still, she has not returned home as yet, so something good must be happening and now it is Saturday and the sun is finally out.

From the rains that we've been having, the lawns are a deep, thick plush carpet. Unusally for this time of the summer when they are usually turning brown from lack of rain and needing that never ending chore of watering everything with the hose every night. Hardly the case this summer. The flowers are all in beautiful, colorful bloom and I've again taken pictures. Everything has multiplied and as I always see the colors and forms blossom each year, it reminds me of bursting fireworks, every changing.

I've yet to post my own vacation pictures, with my sister, on here except for the title one. I do believe I've managed to save them as I did still hold over 100 pictures on my camera:) So, if lucky I will find those and be able to put some on here. I am still learning of this new computer.

My youngest daughter has finally met the love of her life and is engaged. I recently sent the announcement into the newspaper. They will be moving into a new home at the end of the month, and they are expecting a baby, as she is near 3 months pregnant. I never thought I would have another grandchild, but I will be, and we are all thrilled about this. Its been a long time since there was a baby in the family. I look forward and of course, this will become part of this site.

Bits and pieces of news; I've cut my hair and like it so much that every time I go back for a trim, I ask it be cut a bit more than just a trim. Also, it is more brown now with a few lighter highlights to it. I'm happily back in touch with a long lost friend that I had met and became friends with when I lived in Alaska, some 35 years ago. We had always remained in contact though lost touch about 8 years ago. I had tried to find her again and couldn't but I always knew that we would be in touch again and that we would find one another again sometime, after all, we always had regardless of gaps in our communication at times. Well, she found me, and once again we are in contact. This is the first time though that we have computers and can have emails to keep us together. Before, we always wrote pigeon express, the old fashion pen, paper and a stamp.

There is one writing which I am working on, that is long overdue. Hopefully soon this special post will be complete and added, along with my twisted sister's writing:) She may think by now that I have forgotten, but I have not at all. Its in the works.

Stay tuned..........

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day, and a beautiful day it is. Today, I woke to the sun filled rooms of my home, knowing it was going to be one of those perfect days. I was lazy this morning, as I enjoy being on a weekend morning, having my coffee in front of the living room windows especially when the sun shines through. I love taking my time, unhurried and going into the day spontaneously, letting my feelings guide me. I need days as this and they come far and few. My work week is so cramped into schedules, day after day, that a true day of rest is one where I need not look further than I am in any moment of it. Today was such a day.

~

It felt like a true spring day and I walked my yard, taking time to check all the plants and flowers that have already bloomed. I love to watch it all grow again, each year, and remembering in those tiny sprouts what is going to become. We're all still in awe that the snows which this past winter gave us, is gone. The mountain of snow that had been plowed up all winter long as since melted away, no where to be seen though some damages it has left behind of broken branches and some of the small lights that outlined my Mother's garden. But, it is clear to see, it is truly spring.

~

Today, it is also Mother's Day and though my Mother remains close to me every day, it is in this day that I can give her special thanks and remembrance of all that she is to me. Though she is not here, still, she is everywhere and she knows my heart. Today, I bought her a bird house for her garden. A little school house, it does appear to be, and hung it from a tree. I suppose it is called a bird feeder, as the chimney opens and there the house can fill with seed. It felt wonderful to be outside and I planted many colorful perennials such as tulips and pink lilies, to name a few. It seems forever since I've been outside in the sun, just playing and relaxing. It is a wonderful Mother's Day.

~

I love You, Ma.

Welcome to my home with no way inside

The front door that cannot be used now and a look at the front of my house after the roof was shoveled off. Gives you an idea of this winter.

Winter's glory

This winter's been a harsh one for us in New Hampshire. Soon to break all records of snow fall, we've just no place left to put it all. A common sight these past few weeks, are men upon roofs shoveling quickly before yet another storm to come in. Many roofs have collapsed and for the first time ever has my home roof needed to be cleared of it all. Layer after layer; half a foot of snow and then a half of foot of ice, again and again, it was taken off. Even when nearing the bottom of it, an ax was used to cut the thick ice off. We've lost power more than once and put to good use the generator, at least to keep the furance going; the regrigerator cold and the television on to listen about the weather.

At times, the world outside was encased in ice cystals that would sparkle beautifully in the sun that always seem to appear once the storm has passed. It was almost as though it's casting rays that glittered brilliantly was indeed Mother Nature's grin upon us. Life outside the warmth of our homes, appeared as though all was froze in that moment, still and silent, as every tiny branch was wrapped inside the glittering, smooth ice.

Getting places, whether in car or on foot, has been difficult. Even now, cars pull out of roads too far as snow banks block their viewsto check for on coming traffic; pot holes and frost heaves on the roads give you a ride for your money: the cost of having the car's shocks fixed, front end alinements, new tires, or new car. There also seemed to be more injuries from falling on the ice, than I remember. In one day alone, I knew 5 people who fell and injuried themself. And, it seems a common sight now when driving to see another car off the road, buried into a snow bank or on top of one. And, we've had flooding of pouring hard sleet, rain and ice, that just had no where to go or drain because of blocked drainages. And so, you drove through rivers that ran across the roads.

Notice the picture under this blog's heading, of the snow in my yard. That picket fence is the one that is the entrance to my mother's garden. Its tips now only seen as near five feet of snow lies where it has not been shoveled or plowed.

Still, as harsh as this winter has been, I'd not trade it for any full time home in the sun and warmth. I just love the seasons and all that they may bring to us. I find the changes in each day brings us something special; something new to awe and to hurry in hopes to snap it up in a picture to keep it's memory alive before it passes into yet another moment one wants to hold for a bit of time.

And spring is here a few weeks. At least on the calendar. I've ordered the daffodils once again and soon they will be here. A sign of spring, even if the snow still is deep and the winds still howl and the rain is in ice form. Dairy Queen ice cream stand has just opened! Another sign of spring, as I listen to the sleet bounce off my windows. We've made bets to when the last of the snow will finally melt and be gone. With the size of some of the plowed banks, we guess into the middle of summer. Though now flooding, when this all melts down, is another issue.

Just Thoughts......

Winter's Day & Daffodils

It's been a busy winter and it seems there has not been many days without it snowing. A true New England winter, something like the one's I remember when young. There was always plenty of snow for sledding and building snow forts, as this winter has been for play. I don't mind the winter though I dislike driving in bad weather, but I love the seasons. I find winter is most beautiful from the warmth of my home, looking out the window. Every day, I plan on getting out and getting some pictures. Maybe tomorrow. The snow must be up to my thighs in some places. Even more than the winter's snow, there has been other thoughts recently.

My Mother's birthday has come and gone on January 25th. She would of been 88 years old. I thought about her on that day. And, as winter moved on from her birth date, it seemed that I have thought of her more and more. I knew why that I did as I remembered clearly what was approaching and it has. It was time to order daffodils. I had ordered them that Febuary 2006. I loved when they were always delivered in March, as they seemed to bring in the fresh feel of spring in the air. By March, the winter seems long enough and all are ready to get outside in some sun. In Feb. 2006, I had ordered daffodil bulbs, as I had been doing every year. My Mother had passed away that March. When I returned home from her bed side that day that she passed away, there on the table were the daffodils which I had ordered. That "touch of spring" bright yellow flowers caught my eye when I entered my home, exhausted. I had just lost my Mother. I placed the pussy willow branches from her hospital room beside the flowers.

It was because of those pussy willows and daffodils that brought the idea of making my Mother's garden; a garden in memory of her.

Last week, I ordered the spring daffidols and soon the March 25th date will be upon us, marking the second year of my Mother's passing. Its been on my mind.

The other night, I read this blog. I scrolled down to the very end of it, where actually is my first story that started this blog and I read it once again. I had no thoughts at that time of creating this blog as all I had wanted to do was just write that memory in the first post about my childhood and then I couldn't stop writing. Yet, when I looked over this blog the other night, I noticed something. I noticed it had begun to change after awhile and it no longer was a blog of mouring and loss and grief but instead one that represented this blog's title; "The Beauty Of Life". I found myself feeling many emotions as I read over this blog again. Its poems, lyrics, pictures, emails, quotes, stories, comments. It is full of memories of the past and memories in the making. Over time, this blog has shown the journey of a family, in many ways. It has many emotions within it and most of them all expressed as deeply as felt. But, its changed over time. Yes, we are of course allowed to express grief and loss as it comes up. That is always the healing process that goes on. Sometimes more difficult at times than other times. Yet, life does go on even when you might wish the world would just stop for awhile so you can just be still and feel exactly as you do for a bit before moving on again.

I read on and remember the first time celebration and good times were added to this site. It was enjoyable to write on uplifting times yet, I also remember pangs of guilt for adding such good times on a blog which I had dedicated to my Mother's memory. Yet, the title of this blog in her memory was about Life; It's Beauty and that alone more than anything else was my Mother. So, I continued on and added birthdays and parties and vacations. Those things my Mother would have wanted; the good times. She loved life and lived it to it's fullest. She was one of these people who lit up the room by just walking into it. She was a life of the party and loved to sing and dance and have fun. And so this blog has included many things, when our Mother was with us and in memory of her, she is still a part of everything we celebrate.

Soon, I will have those daffodils on the table once more, a sign of spring nearing, and soon the pussy willows in my Mother's garden will pop open with their peach soft buds, and then once again her garden will florish and blossom. And, once again March 25th will come and it will go but not without our thoughts and perhaps tears but as my Mother would of wanted, I have no doubt....Life will go on with it's many good times and sad; joyful and painful because in all things is the beauty of life.

Remember Me..........

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory.

Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me.

I am the one star that keeps burning so brightly
It is the last light to fade into the rising sun
I'm with you whenever you tell my story
For I am all I've done.

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory.
Remember me.

I am that warm voice in the cold wind that whispers
And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky
As long as I can still reach out and touch you
Then I will never die.

Remember
I will never leave you
If you will only
Remember me
(remember me)

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory.

Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me.....
Remember me.....
Remember me.

Mom..........

1 year - Mama

4 years - I want my Mama

7 years - I need to ask my Mommy first

12 years - My Mother is so uncool

17 years - Naturally Mother doesn't understand

21 years - Mom is so out of touch - What would you expect?

30 years - A little patience....Maybe Mom will have a good idea

35 years - I'll call Mom and see what she thinks about it

40 years - Maybe Mom and I could do that together

50 years - I wonder what Mom would have thought about it

60 years - I wish I could talk it over with Mom once more

Thoughts at Christmas.....

This shelf holds upon it some of my most treasured things. How simple is that little teddy bear or the container of broken pussy willow branches; gold watch that wraps the bears neck and the family expressive picture above. That tiny, little Christmas tree, with it's old silken and wrinkled poinsettias, much too large for such a tiny little tree. Anyone to walk past, who did not know me well, would probably not stop and take much notice of these things but for a simple glance. But, as i do often when passing by this shelf, i'll stop for awhile. My finger might gently touch the soft small pussywillows but with such care, as over time they become so fragil. So often, i've picked up that little white teddy, put it against my nose and inhaled it's scent as deeply as possible. It does begin to fade now but I still pick up it's so precious aroma. There is a gold watch that wraps the Teddy's neck...its hands remain on 11:05, where they ceased March of 2005. I watched them slow and waited for the moment in which they would stop. I told myself at that very moment, my mother was now happy in heaven.

The pussywillows, picture and teddy with her watch, always remain in place. Christmas i put her the small tree beside them, as i have done for the past two Christmas's. This Christmas was no different. I'd come to this shelf and touch with ease, and smell her scent and remember her. Still, a tear would spill but her memory is needed much more in that moment. In each touch, and in each moment her scent fills me, i feel her for that moment still near me. And so, wrapped in her memories my Mother always lives on, within me.

That little tree, I remember having many laughs over with her. She did not want to bother decorating for Christmas. She has no interest in it at all. Her trees became smaller and simplier each year. So on her table, she'd put that little Christmas tree and that was that. She'd joke after Christmas had passed about having to "take down the tree" and put it away. As though, it was going to be an all day affair with her work cut out for her. And now, i have that little tree and like her, i put it out each year and think of her. She always had such a wonderful sense of humor.

The broken pussy willow branches that i keep are from her hospital room where she passed on and one from the first anniversary of her passing. In her memory, her garden is surrounding in pussywillow bushes, which are the first signs of spring here.

All of these things have been healing to me. Our mother is still such a part of our lives, every day.

Winter Wonderland...I wonder.....

Snow, light and fluffy, heavy and wet...snow, sleet, freezing rain, ice and more snow...we've had it all and its only January 1st! Happy New Year! We're being buried here....

Already, we've broken records, and it never seems to stop. This picture, showing the "Love" stand, next to a bush, is now buried, unseen. Gone. Oh well, its winter in New England... the kids love it, the skiers love it....and its beautiful to watch as long as you don't have to drive in it.

I've missed alot of writing on here...many holidays and events.....Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. We went away for it, for a change. For a change, the dinner was made and i, did not make it. Was a beautiful day, spent with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, at his new home which is almost finished. Was great company and good food.

Christman also has come and gone. Always a hectic time of year for us all. For the first time ever, I managed to do what I had always said I'd do...I got my shopping done two weeks before Thanksgiving. Though, was still wrapping it the night before Christmas. I'm glad its over.

And here it is, New Year's Day. A dinner of lobster and fresh baked stuff scallops was planned, until I came down with the flu the night before. I managed some soup. I've watched the snow plows most of the day, go by plowing and sanding. About another foot of the white stuff today; where are they going to plow it all?

So here, in a few short paragraphs, I've managed to catch up some. Its been awhile since I've written. i don't know whats been up with me for the past few months. Writer's block? Mental block? On over load with all the other things going on? Who knows. But, i try.