Sister's Love

My sister, my very special sister. I’ve wanted so much to write about her, yet to even begin to find the words to express so many feelings that I have for her, seems almost impossible to do. There is no way which I could truly capture what is in my heart for her and express it in such ways that anyone else could know its depth. Though, I do believe she knows. And I do believe the deepness of our feelings that we share for one another are equal. For I too feel from her what she holds for me.

My sister has always been there for me, as I have her. When I was a teenager, I lived with her for awhile. Still, at that time, the difference in our ages and our circumstances played a part in us not finding great closeness then. We did have good times and laughs, but it was not until much later did we feel almost entwined with one another.

For reasons later on in our life, we, once again lived together for about 8 months. It was during this time that we learned how much we were alike, in so many ways. It would come as a surprise, each trait that we learned we both shared. How alike we were! Our thoughts, ideas, feelings and little day to day common interests we found we shared. Some things were serious to us, meaningful and yet others things were silly though still, surprising. We both shared in the same thoughts or feelings and we grew closer unlike we ever had before.

Though there were circumstances that brought us to live together later in life, I now cannot believe that fate also did not play a part in that time. I don’t believe our relationship could have become what it has, without that time we had together. I see her in ways I never had before that time. I feel such a part of her, and I know also she has that same feeling. We both just know.

We were given time to spend with each other and we shared much. We had many talks, tears shed and laughs. She is one whom I can tell anything to, without fear of rejection. She is one whom I could trust with my very life and know she would do her best by me. I enjoy our time spent together. There is not another like her in the world. She has a keen sense of humor, full of life and wit. Innocently she can speak of something that brings us both to laughter. We can become quite silly. We also have had our sisterly talks, and listen to each other when we need one another.

Two years ago, my sister finally met her long time goals and dreams. First, she retired from her work of many long years and second, she moved north, to be near our mother. She had a full year of good time with our mother before she passed. During this year, my sister was with our mother daily. They enjoyed their time spent. They would go shopping, to appointments, have supper together, watch movies and shows together and had many laughs. It was a good year, a close year spent.

For most of this past year, my sister has not spoken much of our loss, nor our brother. Seems we all turned inward with our feelings after our mother was gone. We continued our close ways, yet there has been this missing piece in this past year. We never spoke of it but I felt it. It was what we both were holding inside and not sharing with each other yet we accepted each other for where we were at. Still, there was silence on this topic, which we knew inside of us it was not so silent. We still cried on the inside. We felt the emptiness. How could it not be so? How could we had gone through Thanksgiving without saying speaking once of our Mother or on Christmas? Odd, that on these holidays, she not be mentioned. The first year without her when each of us knew, she was fully on our minds. It could only mean and prove that we could not bear it and that inside of us, privately, we still grieved deeply. Though, we could not speak of it.

And here, to these writings, my sister has come to read. And it is from here, that things such as grief and silence begin to change. Memories have begun to flow and be spoken of, and be shared. We begin now to talk more of those times we’ve shielded for awhile. Healing does now begin, I believe.

It has been like a damn breaking open lately, the emails that my sister has been writing to me of feelings and past memories. Many, I had never known. Most are quiet funny, least to us and once again, we are sharing without fear of emotions. We are laughing.

Some of her emails, our memories, will be shared in this site. Her words and memories are an important part of us and FOR us, who we are and of our healing process.