Life's Lessons

I don’t remember when it happened, that we as family all came closer. There were many years between my siblings and I. There were many years before I knew the closeness existed. Yet, somewhere along the way it did occur. Perhaps it came about when we had been the furthest from each other. We had all separated in our younger days, all gone our own ways. Physically as well as emotionally. My sister married and moved away, and I missed her so. My brother moved on in his life, and I was a lost soul. It’s not strange for me to look in books in search of my own process of life’s natural passages and it’s meaning, only to find my life’s description not there. I didn’t seem to follow the natural way of life’s traveled roads, remaining on the common path of many. I was out of the ordinary. That was not considered as a good thing back then but today; it has made me whom I am.

At times, it is with a sense of regret that the importance of family does not seem to come until later in life. It brings a sense of urgency along with it when it does come later in life. So much more time is wanted to show one’s love felt and to have the joy of feeling it in oneself. I have learned my sister is my very best friend. I have learned that we are truly related by our commonness and our bonds felt. I have learned that we are more alike in many ways, then ever realized before. At times, we find ourselves surprised by this. It tends to bring on laughter but it also tends to bring on even greater closeness and the realization that it has. It is this realization that I can only describe as truly beautiful and with that, I wish I had known of it forever. And with that, I know I forever will.

There is an unconditional type of love that existed in my family and it remains as such. We all had our times of troubles and successes; of pride and of shame; of tears and confusions; happiness and contentment’s. Probably, as it is with all families. Yet, each seemed to bring us closer together. There is never a time in my life that I can remember ever one turning their back. We were family. No matter what the world brought to each one of us, we knew we always had a place which we belonged. No matter what choices we may have made at times, we knew we were never alone. And, in good times, we celebrated together and shared in the joy. And in pain, we held each other closely.

My father was a good man. A quiet type, more a loner. He loved his family and he loved having a family, which is something he did not have when he, himself, was a boy. He loved my mother. He was a hard worker and worked a lifetime. He was a man, a husband, a father and he provided as such. He was content in his silent, quiet ways. He was not one to easily show his feelings, but I knew he loved me. Even in his quietness, I knew his ways of expressing his love. I felt it from him. I didn’t need words. Oh, there were times his sense of humor came out. He could be very witty, and remembered joke after joke. My father was very protective of me. That too, I felt and knew. It clearly was part of his love. Often, as a child, I’d sit on his lap and so many times he would say to me “You’re the one, you’re the one”. I always took that as meaning “special”. I have only fond memories of my father. So many times, I think to myself; I wish he knew me now. I wish he had lived to know my children. He would of loved them, I know. I lost my father 31 years ago, when I was 22 years old. I see his face; I hear his voice; I know his laughter, like it was yesterday. Still, it seems a lifetime away.

Perhaps, there should be no regret that I have found the importance of family years later, or the realizations of close bonds and common traits, as I have found with my sister. Maybe it is through our losses that we learn of what truly matters. Perhaps it is gratefulness that I feel in my realizations of the closeness that does exists. Some may never know of it, sadly.