My mind can take me to beautiful places, when I'm quiet and listen.

Christmas before the group

Christmas 2017, and it was just an awesome, homey, excited, night. Perfect. Doug, Heidi and Tammy I love you. And here it is, New Years Eve. I have a beautiful feeling that it is going to be a great new year!

Happy Thanksgiving 2013

I haven't written here for so long but I have thought about doing so. So many times and so many changes and so many days of one kind or another has passed by. Each time, I have wanted to come here and write of it. I didn't. I'm grateful this Thanksgiving. I've also have been in a holiday type spirit for a few months. Thats unlike me, at least, my past. I put my mother's little Christmas tree out also, like every year.

We had a wonderful dinner at Heidi's tonight. She cooked it all, even though she still is struggling with that foot of hers. I cleaned it up. When I got home, I pulled out Christmas decorations and put things out and around, including candles in the windows. I've been reading on pinterest of random acts of kindness. I have so much I want to change in myself. A good place to start would be with random acts. I am very grateful for my life, for all I have and for all I've always have had. Struggles come and go but seems I always come out and with new lessons.

I don't have a lot of time after work and all the other parts of life, but I want to find more time and I want that time I can squeeze out of my life to go toward the good of me. Probably sounds strange but I think I want to really make some kind of difference, somewhere. It would be nice to have another on this journey but I also don't mind doing so along.

Too soon to make up a New Year's resolution but I want to keep track here of such changes with me and those "random acts of kindness" i seek to learn and carry out. I think I'm changing in my older age. It makes me wish I had more time. Wish I could teach that lesson to kids cause its sad they won't know or feel that until oneself has no choice but to slow.

my zen girl drawing

Just a little picture I drew

Summer garden

Another Mother's Day and as every day, she is in my thoughts. My Mother. And missed. This morning I think of her, emotionally so. Its been a long time since the tears have come. Still, I know, thats alright.

Its a rainy kind of day, but my goal is unlike every Mother's Day for the past 8 years. To find something special to place in her memory garden. That has saved me and my emotions, year after year. I just re-read my post on if I had one more day with her. I'm glad I wrote that post, as difficult as it was to do. I learned from that post that every "ordinary day" is special if made to be special, by really being a part of it. Today, even though my Mother is not here with me, she is in heart, and that makes this ordinary day, this Mother's Day, special.

She was and is, in memory, special.

Planning

I'm not one for planning my days. I've always been one to take the days, one at a time, going with the feeling of a moment. At least this is what I try to do. Yes, there are times when things such as appointments and work schedules have to have plans and sometimes, tight schedules and deadlines to meet. On my own time, when I don't have to be at an appointment, or an event, or at work, there is nothing that I appreciate more to feel the true sense of a day as my own, as not  having to live it on a timeline. Sometimes, this is impossible. Sometimes when my weekend off from work has been filled with certain events that caused for being on time to something, it can give me mixed feelings when its over. I feel that even though I may have enjoyed the event, my time "off" to have my own time, is over.

I'm not one to ever feel bored. I enjoy my life, my home, my "things". I have my own interests, even if they don't seem like much excitment to another, to me they fill me. Work takes a big chunk of time through the week. I'm busy and the days usually fly by. After work, there is no place I'd rather be than home. My home is more enjoyable to me than any other form of entertainment. Its the one place that I feel I can breath easy, that I feel at peace, that I am in comfort, and that I make my own time. It is at home that I have all I need or want, including things to do. I enjoy cooking on the weekends or on days that I'm not working. I enjoy watching my shows, even though I'm not a huge television fan. I enjoy scrapbooking, making pictures, being on the computer. I enjoy my family, and I love my grandchildren and their visits. I love having my Noah over night and visiting. I love a good movie or book. I love coloring posters; the more complicated the better. I love flowers and my gardens. I love decorating and even cleaning my home when I can go through it at an easy pace. I love to write and create. I have never been bored even at home.

Well now I face a challenge before me. "Having" to be at home because I'm laid up for a few months. I am now trying to prepare for this not only with my husband and my home; getting ready the necessary things I will need in order to do the simplest, like take a shower and wash my hair. I'm trying to prepare for the burden of not being able to walk on my own for at least 3 months. My surgery is scheduled for June 28, 2012. I dread it yet want it over with as soon as possible, just so I can get on with the recovery. Right now, It hangs over my head. I look up on the internest and read about it. It seems to make me even more nervous, however reading about it has given me some ideas and thats what brought me to this blog once again. I've read many other's "journel" of this procedure and of their recovery process. Where this is something that I am going to be able to do; write, and this is a place, this blog, that has brought me peace of mind so many times by writing in it, here I come. I'm going to keep a journal of this procedure. Hopefully, some day I will look back and see what I have accomplished.

Since the surgery was discussed and decided upon, I have waves of nervousness inside me. Surprisingly, I have also not been able to sleep late in the morning either. Whether working or not, I'm awake and ready to get up way before the alarm goes off. I've never had surgery before, and I've never been unable to walk on my own or do the things I want to do, on my own. Don offered to move my bedroom down stairs in the dining room for the next however long months. I'm stubborn. I will try the stairs to get to my bedroom even if I crawl up them and slide down them on my butt. I thought perhaps I should get a second pair of crutches to keep upstairs and one for down stairs, as I won't be able to pull them up and down with me. I ordered a shower chair today. It will come in next week and Don is installing a shower head with hand held sprayer. It will be months before I can bring my foot into the water. I also want to get a couple of counter stools/chairs for the kitchen, so I can work at the counter without having to stand with crutches under my arms.

I've been preparing the paperwork that was sent to me in the mail by my doctor. I feel a bit overwhelmed with upcoming appointments next week and having to leave work to go to them and then return to work again. Though I have them all written down, there is alot to remember even now.

So, in the Beauty of Life, I will move ahead and part of my healing process will be to write it all  here. Part of it will also be what helps me not go crazy, and the things I find to keep me busy. The simpliest things that I have always taken for granted; how I am able to work around them all.

March 25, 2012

Its been awhile since I've written on here but its not because I have not wanted to. I have thought many times that I want to come here and write, but just did not take the time to do so. What has run through my mind so many times that I wanted to come here and write about is what a wonderful family that I have. Believe me, I often think of exactly that. Those that fill my life really, and I do think about that with gratefulness, daily. Today is the 6th anniversary of my mother's passing. Today, I have come here to write on my family. I have thought of my mother alot lately. This is the time of year that my ordered daffodills came in and the pussy willows in my mother's memory garden have blossomed. Rather than sadness, things such as that bring a different kind of meaning to me, one of closeness now. Maybe that is why that recently I have been feeling a special kind of inner gratitude to having such a special family, as I have been privileged to have.

I still think of my mother in the way of wondering what she might think about different situations. I always would ask her what she thought of this or that. In my mind, I still do. It can be the simpliest thing, such as wondering what she would of thought of this early warmth we have had this March. It has felt like June rather than March. I have wondered lots on what she would be thinking about the world's state at this time as that was something we often talked about. I also wonder how'd she react to Noah, because I know that she would of found him as adorable as we all do. I wonder what she would of thought of how big Kelsey and Ashley are now. I wonder many things.

Moreso though, I can sit in the quietness of a day and just appreciate the family that I've been blessed to have. I often think of how fortunate I am to have two wonderful son-in-laws. This has doubled the joys of my two daughters, as they have brought into our family two wonderful sons to me, also. They are wonderful Dads. All that really matters to me, surrounds me. Many things have changed over the years, over the past 6 years since my mother was here with us. Some things have been wonderful changes, and some things not so wonderful changes, but life goes on and it is what it is. I still am very grateful for all that I have in my life.

Though my Mother is not here to share in it, she is, because to me, she is everywhere and a part of everything. She is a part of us all and I see her in each one of us, at different times. I often think also on how she always feared that my sister and brother and I might have our differences and part. I know that is always a fear of a mother as we want ours to always be there for one another. I have found over time that we haven't found differences, but alikeness more and more. We have become closer over time. As it should be. I often just stop and think to myself, "its the three of us". And then, I think of us all and its many of us, holding together, and sharing our lives. Family.

I miss you Ma and love you dearly.

September 11, 2011

I remember this day, 10 years ago, as if it were yesterday. I was working in Massachusettes when I watched on television at work after the first plane had hit. I thought was a horrible accident until, as I watched, another plane did the same thing, crashing into the side of the N.Y. Towers. I remember my thoughts were confused just at that very moment, wondering what was going on. I didn't think of "terrorist attack", I didn't think of any kind of an attack. That was too far fetched to even have such thoughts of happening in this country and then the TV reports, sounding as confused as I was, begin to speak of an attack on this country and that these two hits had to have been planned out. And then, another one in Penn. and then the Pentagon. I knew then, we all knew, exactly what was happening.

It was unbelievable to even think of! Thoughts were race from this just can't be true to "oh my God!" And then the pictures on television proved it. It was happening. It was real and we were all in this together, connected as one.

I watched it all day long at work and I I listened to people at work share their own feelings. When I left work, all I wanted to do was be with family. I hug and be hugged. I drove to my sisters and when she opened the door, all I could do was say that I needed a hug. She had been watching it also, like everyone else in the world.

I can remember hearing back then that our country will never be as it use to be. The freedoms that existed in our country, that we all just took for granted as that is all we ever had known. But, those changes have occured and continue to do so and we all feel the effects of those changes all the time.

Ten years have gone by, and thats hard to believe in itself. The wars on terror continue on, and continue to erupt all the time. Seems now, since 9/11/01, that is the way of the world now, sadly, but surely this is now a way of life for us all. Vigilance.

Happy 35Th Anniversary (Bev&Don)

Happy New Year 2011

Silence

Within the silence

ones own thoughts

without a sound

of speech

I find my thoughts

are deeper than

what I could voice

outloud

To know

is to look

behind the words

Inbetween the lines

amoungst the

darkness

silence

In the shadows

all try to follow

only to get lost

once more

And there it is

In the blackness

between the stars

One's truths

be known.

I could see forever in your face

sometimes expressionless

through your own layers of

need and want.

~

I could feel forever in the slightest touch

sometimes unbearable

through my own layers of

fear and hurt.

~

I ran before the time was due

sometimes out of memories

through layer and layer

of bitter dusts

that blow away too soon.

~

A peeling of one's soul

opening with a caution blend

of stolen dreams

awoken

of bitterness

forever growing.

~

And try again and yet again

her pace forever gaining

of only layers

another layer

of restlessness unspoken.

Its amazing that no matter how old we become, we will still call out to our mothers. No matter how confused or forgetful in the later years, still, we will call out to our mother. She will always be the core of our hearts; our protection and safety net; what gives us hopes and dreams; who is always there for us long after all else leaves; failures or successes. And whether or not she is there in person be side us, truth be known, she is and will always be all of what she always been, safetly and forever in our hearts.

I know.

Soon, once again...

Just the other day, I placed my daffodil order as I do each year at this time. Its more than just giving to a wonderful cause though. It was what begin my mother's memory garden. The day of my mother's passing, and I returned home from the hospital, there on the table were these beautifully opened daffodils in a vase. I had ordered them weeks before and now, their brightness and hint of spring was before me in my darkest time. And placed into the vase with them was the single branch of pussywillows taken from her room before I left it. And so, her garden began.

Each year, I order daffodils and memories return as though it were just yesterday. Still, I'm not sure how but at the same time it seems forever in the past. As though a hundred years have gone by and time moves so slowly. I still have the pussy willow branch, and I have added another one each year since, in the spring time when they come to bloom in her garden, early spring. In March, at the anniversary time of our loss, there upon my table will sit in a vase, a bunch of daffodils and it will remind me that spring nears us. It's bulbs I will plant into her garden. And I'll watch memories come alive once again, as the last of the snows melt and the flowers beneath break ground.

Thoughts...

Every now and again,
take a good look at
something not made
with hands; a mountain,
a star, the turn of a stream.
There will come to you wisdom
and patience and solace and,
above all, the assurance that
you are not alone in the world.

Please click on and listen.....

End of Volume One.

I have written on this site for over three years. It started with one simple memory about 6 months after my mother had passed away and I grieved. I didn't know anything about these blogs; I had never heard of them. I don't really know why nor do I remember what brought me here to create one, but I did. And, that one simple memory of "Days Gone By", came out before me, word after word. That was my very first post. Since then, I haven't stopped writing here. One simple post became many. Grieving moved into the gift of remembering and the joys of sharing. It changed from only my presence here alone, to my sister's, and then outward to my family and friends beyond our town, beyond our state. And, it unfolded from sadness in grief and loss to the joys and celebrations of life. This site has truly been its own gift to myself; magically aiding in healing and moving forward.

I have printed every single page of this entire site and carefully placed each of those pages into plastic sleeves. These pages have filled a large three ring binder book, which is called, of course, The Beauty Of Life. To this point now, has been placed into it's covers and the binder is full now. This blog does not end. It begins now, Volume Two. I will start the next "book" to fill and what was once a gift to myself has truly resulted in a gift for many; hopefully lasting beyond a life time.

I need this place, this site, as much as I ever did. Its become a part of me over the past three years. I read back at times and I can't help but feel grateful that I had captured even a moment that I felt a need to put it here and would always have it to look back on moreso than memory alone. Sometimes, I have read back at certains writings and all the emotions of that time return to me and flood me once again and for that time, I need it to.

So at this point, I now begin volume two and move forward still. The beauty of life and the celebrations of it all. Please click on "comments" at the end of any post and add yours.

Just thoughts

I was looking at dates tonight, though I'm not sure why. My mother's birthday would soon, January 25th and she would of been 90 years old in just a couple of days. That seems so old and it doesn't seem possible. After all, she has only been gone 4 years now, come March. But, I looked into other dates. My father died when he was 63. My mother was only 56 years old at that time when she lost her husband. That is my age now. That doesn't seem old. In fact, now more than ever I see my Mother as a having been a young widow. She lost her husband when she was just my age. They had been married for 37 years when my father passed away. I've been married for 34 years (this year). She lived another 30 years after the loss of her husband. In seeing that clearly tonight, I came to realize that the ring which I wear around my neck, my mother's wedding ring, is 71 years old this year. I can remember my mother always saying that she wanted to live at least into the new century. She watched it turned; 2000. I remember us discussing the changes that we read on and she remembered, over the years into the new era. And now, its hard to believe that its already 2010.

I've been sitting here for the past two hours just reading back and I've scrolled all the way to the beginning. I'm so grateful that I started this blog, and started it exactly when I did. In this blog, I have so captured so much of life.

November...

The autumn is behind us now. Don finished raking up the last of the leaves today on the lawn and believe it or not, the temps hit near 70. It sure didn't feel like November but I have a feeling once this warmth passes, the chill will be in the air. Winter now approaches, after all Thanksgiving is only another three weeks away. That doesn't seem possible. Time goes way too quickly. Noah turned 8 months today. Kelsey will be 11 next month. And I? Well, though I had my birthday last month, lets just say that I seek for ways to hold the precious moments longer than they stay; i take lots of pictures! This morning, as I always like to do on weekend mornings, I lingered the morning through. I sat and watched the slide shows of the summer gardens and flowers, that I had made. Seems like just yesterday that they were all in full bloom but they've all been cut down to the ground now and everything is ready for the cold, the frost and snows. I know they are all there still, just below the surface, safely sleeping until the spring comes again. And, strangely enough these thoughts come to mind, when just the other day I had the conversation at work about the seasons of our life.

The Autumn of my life is actually a wonderful place to be. Gone are the struggles to survive in the spring, when one is new and so independent upon others for the strength to survive. The building of one's foundation in the springtime, and at times even crumbling - only to rebuild again and again until finally the summer brings the needed warmth. Now, in the autumn of my life, I can look back with an appreciation that neither spring nor summer knows. The beauty in change surrounds now, rather than the beauty of developing and growth. I am now three seasons, like the colorfully weaved, patchwork quilt. Memories abound and mesh; have made me who I am. But, far from complete, as there is still much to learn and become a part of, such is life. Yet, what never ceases to grow is a forever deepening appreciation for what has been, what is and what is to be. I'm trying to hold on to it all. I write, I take pictures; dream and then I put it all together, for another time and place. It will be remembered; learned and appreciated, also, by you who takes the time.

Do I make sense tonight as I just write my each moment's passing thought? Does it really matter if I do or not? One of the beauties that I have learn these past few years of writing here is that when I have written just what has drifted through my mind in the moment, seems to be the most meaningful to me; the most uplifting in another day. So, here I am, this place, this Beauty of Life place that I created years ago, still is so much a part of my life. Sometimes, that amazes even me. Little did I know and I had not had a plan in mind, when I started that it would continue. Yet, it does. Here I write for us. I write for my family; for my children that some day they will read it all again and again, all the way back. I write for my grandchildren because they will know me and see themselves here. I write for my sister. I write for those who begin their grief or travel through it. I write to my mother and I write for myself. This blog is open to all and so, I write to you.

Autumn passes now. The trees are bare and the skies are grey. Darkness comes early and the moon, like a harvest moon shines the way. Wood fires burning, taking the evening's chill out of the air and I love making homemade soups. And here it is already November, winter nears. Did I hear 50 something more days til Christmas? And yes, its rare but true, I've started my shopping already. I want to look forward to it rather than dread it. Though, those plans have come my way before, year after year. All good and full intentions to do it early but I stop almost as soon as I have started and then once again I find myself racing around in the dark and cold to finish it up near the final days. I swear that won't happen again this year!! (sureeee)

Stand By Me..

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
No I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darling, darling stand by me
Stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Outside my door...(click on it to enlarge)

I've posted more than one photo looking out this front door of mine. Some were of the snows and of the ice that had crashed down onto the porch. Somewhere in this blog it showed the snow drifted so high in front of this door that there was no way in, or out. Some were of the green fullness of summer days or the brilliance of spring blossoming and now, the colors that seem to knock gently making me hurry each morning to open the shades and let them all flood into the room. This picture, taken last week, actually was to show that snow was blowing around. The snow did not come out in the picture, but still, the picture held it's own beauty, if only to me.

Soon to be gone, but then, another picture will be waiting to be captured.

When I Am Old...

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pensionon brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!

Autumn - 2009 (October 23, 2009)

Its hard to believe that Autumn, my most loved time of year, is nearing its end. It always goes too fast. I do try to capture every moment possible from the very beginning of watching the summer leaves begin to hint at changing colors. I don't want to miss a thing. The night's air feels like October, with its sometimes warm breeze. Like last night, in the 60's, and walking the outside mall with Tammy and Noah, was so refreshing.

October has some special dates; my birthday, my sister's birthday and anniversary. Its great time of year to get out and do things. Take a ride up into the mountains for sightseeing or along the coast. We tried something fun and went "Letterboxing" this month with. An enjoyable family outing, that didn't cost a thing. We're hoping to go again soon, maybe even this Sunday.

The smell of wood stoves burning is in the air and the sound of chain saws buzzing away, as we all get ready for the winter months ahead, can be heard in the not too far distance. The seemingly endless raking of fallen leaves begins to finally near its end as the last of the leaves fall from the trees; all signs of whats to come. Though last weekend we had even more of a sign, when from out of no where the wind picked up and blew, wet, white snow around for near a hour. It didn't stick to the still too warm ground here but in some places I hear that it did accumulating to a few inches. I snapped a few pictures quickly but the snow didn't come out; the lawns still much too green. There are always those autumn rain and wind storms that come along, finishing off the season for us.

I remember looking out the window one late fall, into the bleakness between seasons. The leaves gone; branches brown and thin didn't allow for the full privacy of the summer's growth. The sky was grey and the day just seemed one of those raw, blah type of days. The sun was setting early, as the darkness comes in the late afternoon, and I snapped my camera out the sliding door, taking a picture of filtered sun that shone through the trees. As grey as the day was and as blah as it appeared, that picture I framed. I still have it framed and hanging on the wall in my office with a little poem under it. That "blah" looking day of nothing but bareness, with color gone and the sky grey and the raw dampness in the air turned out to be a lesson learned in what might only "appear" as nothing special. Instead, I found a new kind of beauty. So, beneath the picture, I wrote a little poem of my lesson learned and felt. From my own eyes and heart..... Look beyond those first thoughts......I found much beauty in that bleak day....... and posted this near the beginning of this blog....

"Beauty In Seasons"

Beauty in Season
I closed my eyes
And you were gone
Blossoms like fireworks,
Their brilliance bursting…
Blue skies and star filled nights
Yet what I found…You’ve not gone,
Your beauty is in my sight.
~Opal~

It is all in how we view the world.
We will see what we want to see
And we will miss much if we don't take the time,
to see beyond what something may appear
with only a passing glance.

Vacation 9/7/09-9/14/09

My end of summer vacation week was spent differently this time, than it has over the past few years. In the past, my vacation normally existed without plans as I'm one that loves to go into each new day going with my feelings of the moment. Those times away from my work were normally spent quietly, and usually alone through most of it. This was by choice, as I find much comfort in alone and quietness, which is something that I don't have much of during my regular schedule.

There were also those few times when I would take off with my sister for a few days, to the mountains and once, a few others joined us for our little trip. Last spring, These times are treasured times and we still talk about them.

Whether alone, with my sister, or with others, I always have gone back to the same place up into the White Mountains of N.H. and stayed at the same Hotel. Last spring, I even went there alone, and altered it slightly by staying in the suite. I have also enjoyed and though it was to the same place, every time I went, it would be still, different.

And so, I write about this vacation. I think its the most different of them all because each day of it, I planned something. So unlike me! But, in doing so its made this vacation different than the ones before it. And though I've enjoyed them all and who I was with; this vacation seemed to include everyone at one point or another.

So, here I place my vacation journal for the Autumn 2009:

On Friday, 9/4, my last day of work before my vacation and the day went by smoothly. I made sure that all my work was up to date, my office clean, and that I prepared ahead whatever I was able to so that when I return after vacation, "catch up" won't be to to bad. My goal is achieved, and I'm able to walk out the door without unfinished work lingering over my head. Off I go. That night, I went to bed fairly early, because I want to wake fresh and ready to take on, whatever I feel like!

Saturday, I slept in some in the morning til near 10am. I took my time that morning with coffee. It was a beautiful sunny day and then I got busy with some house work, which I enjoy doing on Saturdays when no one is home. It was a quiet, peaceful day. Later in the day, I watched Noah into the night. I took him to the park with Heidi, Charlie, Ashley and Kelsey. It was a wonderful time.

Sunday, we got together at my house for a cookout. It was Labor Day weekend, the offical end to the summer. I made potato salad and lots of other goodies, and everyone brought something. It was nice getting together and another perfect weather day.

On Monday, we went to the Fair. I had not been to a Fair for years. I'm not sure exactly what got into me to want to go now but I went. It was the last day of the fair. It wasn't crowded and it wasn't too hot.

Tuesday, I traveled to Vermont, to see the Quechee Gorge. It was a beautiful ride on a beautiful early fall day. Stopped for a hearty breakfast on the way and it filled our stomachs until the next day! The Gorge was beautiful.

On Wednesday, I headed north with Don into the White Mts. A place it seems I've gone each spring and fall for the last last few years. We shopped some, took rides through the mountains, watched movies, and walked lots. The weather was beautiful and it was really a nice couple of days away once again.

Same place - Different road

My usual vacation place had a few new twists and turns in it. We called it "exploring". It started on a road we probably shouldn't of been on but we took it. It was named Hurricane Road for a reason, and I learned why first hand. A bit spooky when we entered the opened gates, which we're sure they must be closed at least for the winters, if not, nightly. There are no houses on Hurricane road, no lights, no electric. We assume it might be used for a "short cut" from N.H. to Maine because once at the other end of it, Maine is nearby. Its a short cut because rather than drive around and around the endless white mountains and through the thick, deep, state forests, this road takes you over a mountain; UP and DOWN, over it! Its a climb! Well, today, the gate was open. It did say no trucks but we assumed it meant "bigger than the one we were in" kinda truck. So we went through the gates.

It did not take long to figure out why no "larger" trucks were to enter those gates, the very narrow road ahead of us did not leave much room for another vechicle to go by and it was a two way "road", if that is what it is called; seemed more like a lane than a road. There were no places to change your mind and turn around either, once on it, you were on it till the end. Now you'd think that a road such as this would go unused, but to our surprise, and always at a bad time, BOOM! There would be a car (thankfully a small one) that would be flying, and I do mean flying past us. They must of driven this road a millon times because they surely knew where they were going and what they were up against. We didn't. Up, up, up, up, that road climbed, with bending corners shaped as and L, and still, up further as though we headed into the sky. There were a few drops down and the road seemed to disappear, when we were climbing once again. At the very beginning of the upward climb, the forest deep out my window, and oh so pretty. The top picture of this blog is a waterfall in the forest, though there was no stopping to take it, so I just snapped as I was able to.

Once at the top of this narrow mountain road, you could see forever. The mountains and lakes, as though we were sitting on a cloud looking outward. We also could see the road before us, and its drop down. Yep, what goes up, must come down, including us. We couldn't sit and take in this unbelieveable view for long. There is no where to pull over. You sit in the middle of the road and actually the middle of the road, IS the entire road. So, downward we went.

Passing forests with trees so thick at times, making one wonder if anyone had ever set foot onto this land before. It gave proof of the harshness that winter left behind in twisted branches, and broken trunks. Looking out into the sky as one traveled down this narrow mountain road, felt like you were slowly falling back to earth from a cloud. How beautiful it really was and fun! We did it again, and then yet again. No doubt, we will return to this narrow little road that brings you up and over a mountain, into the sky, and then back to earth once again.

Looking Out at the world and looking down, our one way back to earth. I call this the road less traveled, for sure!

Bit o sweet honey

"What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"

Vacation

Vacation has started and I'm thrilled. I've already taken a 4 hour nap once home from work tonight. It was the kick off of my vacation. Now, its after 11pm and my hours begin to change and reverse from day and night. And I've even made some plans! A cookout on Sunday for Labor Day, which represents the official end of the summer to so many. After this weekend, so many return from their vacations, kids go back to school, the leaves are changing, apple picking time comes along, the nights have already started to cool which is wonderful. Autumn is also my favorite time of year. I don't mind that the summer now nears it's end. I enjoy what is ahead too much. So, besides a cookout on Sunday, which will be my own celebration of Labor Day, the end of summer, the start of my vacation and the joy of autumn in the air.

I also am making plans, (Yes, i did say "plans", which is something in itself that I don't normally do) to go to the Fair on Monday with family. I haven't been for years. I dislike the heat of the day and the crowds and lines but, I'm on vacation! And i'm in the mood for a few autumn like things such as a fair. I enjoy the craft parts of them and displays.

So there is Sunday and Monday. Of course tomorrow, Saturday, I'll do some things around the house and some cooking but I enjoy that also.

I don't have further plans from that. I might take off for a day with my sister, our cameras and out to lunch. But then again, I might even take myself up to my favorite place up north for a few nights. I also would like to take a day trip, or even over night, up into Vermont's Quechee Gorge. I'm gonna go with the flow of how I feel. This vacation is, as with any of them, so needed as I feel drained. One thing I do know for sure is that I won't be going into work this week and I'm not going to be focused on it.

So stay tuned for plans and results of the days of vacation!

The girls started school the other day. Ashley just had her birthday last Sunday. Got them much school clothing and supplies and really enjoyed my time with them. Noah just got his first pair of shoes; a pair of white puma sneakers size 4! What a big boy. He will be 6 months old this Tuesday, the 8th. He has started sitting up on his own and he is rolling all over the place now. Tammy moved his crib out of her room into the loft. Slowly, Noah is taking over the house. We're going to build a wall on the loft and make it into a regular bedroom for him. He seems to be sleeping better just in his crib in the loft as he is going to bed earlier now. They grow so fast. I'm really trying to take my time with Noah and enjoying every minute that I can, knowing that each moment, each day passes and it will never return again.

I've been working on some slide shows. I'm learning more and more with each one that I create. I've really been enjoying making them. I'm also working on a scrapebook of my flowers. Hopefully this week, I'll get to work on both, some. So much to fit into a week's vacation, its exhausting!

Noah

Noah, his smile is catching. I just look at his picture and I can't help but smile and feel better about everything and anything. 5 months old now and growing much too fast. I am cherishing every day, every moment.

"One More Day"..... Written By Barbara

"If I were to have one more day with my Mother, it may possibly be cherished, more than the years I was given to love her. I would try not to waste that heavenly day with tears, although it would be extremely hard. Instead, I would embrace her, like I've never embraced. I would cup her beautiful face in my hand and look at her like I've never looked before. I would kiss her cheek, like I've never kissed a cheek. We would talk of our times together and listen to our favorite songs. I would ask her to tell me of her life, I would pay more attention to her stories and pictures of her youth and ask what meant most to her. I would know her more in one day, than I have in my lifetime. I would say I was sorry, for some things that are still on my mind, and she would forgive me, for her love is unconditional, I would be free and feel I gave my best to her. On this precious day, I would almost not want to share her, then again, I would be bursting to want to tell our family of this miracle, and that she is alright. I would hold her hand like I've never held a hand. I would feel her Motherly warmth, like I have never felt.I would melt in her arms, like I did as a child. I would try to be brave and in control, so that I could remember this day clearly. I would tell her how much I want to be like her. We would talk softly, and I would ask her advise, as I always did. I would make her laugh, as I always did. I would have a day with her I've never had. I would make this day with her last, for I would kiss her good-night and keep her spirit in my heart, forever. This is how I would spend one day with , You, Ma, my sweet Mother, and friend. I love you, Barb.

Happy 4th of July!

Independence Day!

Happy Birthday, America!

~

“I pledge allegiance

to the flag

of the United States

of America,

and to the Republic

for which it stands.

One nation under God,

indivisible,

with liberty and justice

for all.”

~

The Anthem

The Defense of Fort McHenry

by Francis Scott Key

20 September 1814

Oh, say can you see,

by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed

at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars,

through the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched,

were so gallantly streaming?

And the rockets' red glare,

the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night

that our flag was still there.

O say, does that star-spangled banner

yet wave

O'er the land of the free

and the home
of the brave?

~

To hear these words

to sing them

Always bring tears to my eyes

Patriotic songs and words

can do that.

I love my country.

My appreciation has only grown

since, 9/11/2001.

I remember that day well

and will never forget.

So, i celebrate this 4th of July

once again

with a tear in my eye

and

a forever growing appreciation

in my heart.

I love America

and I have been blessed

to be an American.

Happy 4th of July, All!

~Opal~

Reason, Season, Lifetime..

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life.....

"And it seems to me you lived
your life
Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in"

Looking back, remembering

Tonight, I worked on changing the title part of this site. Those red lillies, just opening outside my kitchen window, are the deepest of red. Beautiful and yet, I don't remember them there before. I was looking out the door and saw them, blooming fully, and brilliantly. The rains, which have seemed to be never ending this spring, took a break, and I was able to snap a few pictures of these lillies. The yard looks absolutely beautiful in color. Everything is opening this year, despite lack of sun. Its like a tropical forest outside with the steamy humidity and rains. The lawns are deep lush green. Lillies in yellow, reds, oranges, whites, and pinks are blooming. Three rose bushes are full and open. There is purples and yellows, to name a few, of other flowers opening beautifully and I love checking each day what is new.

For some reason, tonight after working on the title here, i scrolled down and read some of my posts from the first year that I was writing here. Amazingly, what I have come to see more and more, is how healing and grieving took place in those early days, when I poured my soul out here and tears until it began to change here, into other things called living. Looking back, and reading forward, I can almost see this change occuring. Still, there are many times I think of her, my mother, of course and still there are times which I grieve. I miss her. Sometimes when I look around me, I can't help but wish she could share in what is now, that she had not seen. Like these red lillies. I know how she'd admire them. I once got her lillies, a rare color in reds, and she spoke of them forever after. And of course, Noah. I think of that often. How he would of amazed her and how she would of loved him so. Still, as with all else, I have to believe she does see him, because she is a part of every one of us. After all, he has her blue eyes.

I read my writing tonight that i had written on her first anniversary of being gone. It easily brought it all back to me, even the emotions felt seemed to just wash right over me again as though I had just written it. Yet, I appreciated reading it and even feeling it again. I am grateful that I wrote it and have even the memory of pain, because its all part of remembering and healing. I think, I will always be healing but just in a different stage of it. I don't dwell. I am able to look back at the good times and speak happily of them with others. They are a part of me, of who I am, of who we all are.

I have passed by her birthday this year and Mother's Day, without writing on here. It does not mean that she was not in my thoughts and in my heart on those days. She is every day. One seems to run into another now, as I have been through the year, and those days have become easier, not easy but easier. As much as any other day, really. There are the days which I need to just let her into my thoughts and go with them. Sometimes, a smile comes across my face and sometimes a tear. Or, two. I have shared this site with many, in hopes that it might bring them to realize also, that really, we are all alike on an emotional level. And that writing and sharing really can and does help. I have printed every page of this site, placed it into a book and will leave behind for the beauty found in the memories kept alive.

I think often on a project that my sister and I are to do. One that she has done and waits for me to complete. "One More Day".

One More Day

If I had one more day to spend with my Mother, it would be a magical day. It would be a magical day because there would be no time limits on it. It would stretch the 24 hour limit. Time would not matter. Still, there would be a most beautiful sun rise, and we would watch it begin this special day.

There would be no pain, no lacking of energy, no worries. For once, it would be a day which would be experienced as perfect and would always remembered as such.

We would spend the morning on Hampton Beach, watching the sun rise, because my Mother loved the beach, the ocean, the sand, the waves, and early morning it is quiet and peaceful,as it is on this day we are together. We are all there, my sister, brother; husbands, children, grandchildren, and we sip on hot coffee, and nibble on orange marmalade jellied toast.

-

The sun rises, yet there is a cool breeze. I listen to her tell of her stories of youth, as she loved to do. About her father, her brother, and how they called her father "Windy" because everyone would hear him coming from miles away. She loves to tell of these stories. Of how much she loved her younger brother, Ray. How special she would say that he is to her. Its important for her to let us know about her family and where she came. Of course, her special picture album is on the table, she turns each page slowly, after telling of each photo. Her grandmother in the long, black dress to the floor. She loved her so. Its important that I listen, its so very important that I hear each word and remember. And, I do, more than I ever have before.

-

Lunch matters none. At least not now. Breakfast comes at noon, lunch comes at supper, and supper comes late evening.

-

She drives, with "On the Road Again", Willie Nelson tapes and Johnny Cash, and we all sing along, as we drive around the white mountains. She loves to drive, take trips, see the beautiful views of the mountains and today is no different. On top of Mt. Washington, we can see forever. The day is clear, warm, sunny. Perfect. We climbed all the way up today, and this time we made it past "Tuckerman's Revene", unlike the last time when we all climbed it and stopped there, 3/4 the way up.

-

She is beautiful with the wind in her hair. Never colored, blonde hair, curls. I see her on this day, as I remember her in a picture with my father, standing on a cruise ship's deck. Her dress blowing in the wind, as well as her hair. Her lips, red. Her skin sunkissed and smooth. Her eyes as blue as the summer sky; crystal.

-

The Weathervane for haddock inbetween.

-

There is an "Early Bird Game"..which she loves, so we laugh lots and set up the lucky charms along the tables edge before us all, and wait with a huge degree of excitment and anxiousness to yell BINGO, because we're all so very close to that one last number! Her sense of humor as keen as ever. She is a sharp one and notices all. And laugh; she keeps you laughing.

-

We stop at the Cinese Restaurant, the one in the small strip mall that she loves, on the way home. She says she can't eat all of that! Her take out container filled. But, she does just about finish it and then puts the rest away for tomorrow.

Sitting around, in the large room off the kitchen of the camp, the one my father added on later' "The party room", we share mics and sing "Green Green Grass of Home", "Lucille", and so many others of her favorites. She always loved these singalongs; a group; a good time. Of course, in this special, perfect day, the day is filled with these songs.

We watch a few shows and movies; This old show that we'd laugh for hours over, "Mary Mary". Pop some popcorn, peel some juicy dripping mouth watering sweet grapefruit, and then watch Jay Leno of course. But the night is still young, its not nearing it's end, and we watch that old movie "HomeBodies" once again. And laugh, again, like its our first time.

-

Of course, with every part of this day and through it all, I hear her. I really, really listen. Her words, as always, tell me of everything that I need to know. She speaks about life, and world matters; the depression and money; of family and relationships; of enjoyment and pains. She tells me of happiness and letting go of sorrow; of not holding onto grudges, as life is too short. Inbetween our travels today, inbetween each meal and each stop, she tells me again, of everything that I will forever need to know. She tells me all thats important, which is every word she speaks. She tells me of the past, of struggles, of the present and of the future. And, in this perfect day, I listen and take in, and hold onto every word, because in this day I have a greater appreciation for her words, knowing that they will become softer. She tells me all of this because she knows. She has lived it and she is wise. She tells me how to love and be loving because she always was and still is, and always will be;

loved.

-

And now that I have finally started this project and written on our day, I don't know how to end it. I don't want to end it but I don't know how to end it either. I can't. And this part had not dawned on me until just now. What I really have described pretty much is lots of typical things done in one of her ordinary days, which seems ordinary but she loved these things and that makes them not so ordinary but every day as special. This IS the perfect day.

I'm not going to end this. I can't. I don't know how. I'm just going to say "I love you, Ma" and that is forever on.

~

Now I see how this perfect day has no limits of time. And as I look back, I realize how I said this would be a "magicial, special perfect" day, yet throughout it, I tell how it is an ordinary day, which she loved. How special it is in an ordinary day, if we make it so.

Wind Beneath My Wings

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

My Grandchildren

Memorial Day weekend we had a cookout at my house. This is Ashley (8yrs), Noah (2 1/2 months) and Kelsey (10).

Noah (Almost 3 months)

Our sweet baby boy

Back to the Reality of Things (Just a catch up)

Well, vacation is long over with and I've been back to reality now for a couple of weeks. It was a vacation that felt like a vacation and I needed that. I hope to take another right after Labor Day though, I might take a few days here and there throughout the summer. So far, it has not been as hot as last year to date. We were just talking last night of how at this time last year, we had been running the air conditioner daily for a month. This year we've only use a day or two, however, I've added my own in my room as I like it best when there are icicles hanging from the ceiling.

My daughter, Josh and their baby Noah are all moved in now, though they are still taking trips back when they have a day off from work to pick up more of their furniture. All is working out fine though we're all leaving for work and returning from work at different times. One comes home, another leaves. Noah is getting big. Just about 3 months old now and a happy little baby boy. I'm babysitting tonight as there is a bonfire at my other daughter's house and they've all gone over there. Noah and I don't get too excited about watching a fire, the smoke and the bugs, so we're just chilling out here in comfort. He just loves me. I can tell. He hears my voice and I see him looking for me. I then peek over to him and there is that smile! Its been a long time since a baby in the family. I believe he will be the last, so I don't want to miss a minute of it. I really am gratiful that he is here, and I can see him every day. He was living just way, too far away.

Went to the girl's soft ball game the other evening after I got out of work. Both, Kelsey and Ashley are on the same team. It was a beautiful evening really to sit outside at a picnic table and watch them play. Their team won!! Go team!! One more game to go for the season.

Today I went out in search of buying a plant for the yard and ended up with something different. I got the bright idea of starting an herb garden, so I bought my "starter herbs" to plant, hopefully tomorrow. I bought the few that I know about and would use. I guess if I want to continue this new idea and planting of a small new garden, I should read up on herbs to try out. Though one is not to eat, but I love it, and that is lavender. With any luck, if it grows enough, then I can dry pieces and place in sachet bags for the scent of it. There were a few others that I might go back to get, that I love the scent of them. Might be a fun new project. Though Barb knows how much time I have left over for new projects! I have a pile of scrapbooking materials sitting by my dining room table along with a pile of photos and empty books, just waiting for me to dig in. As if I have had the time. Work always seems to have a way of interfering with life. Though, really, at this time with all that has and is going on with the economy, I really am grateful.