Planning
I'm not one for planning my days. I've always been one to take the days, one at a time, going with the feeling of a moment. At least this is what I try to do. Yes, there are times when things such as appointments and work schedules have to have plans and sometimes, tight schedules and deadlines to meet. On my own time, when I don't have to be at an appointment, or an event, or at work, there is nothing that I appreciate more to feel the true sense of a day as my own, as not having to live it on a timeline. Sometimes, this is impossible. Sometimes when my weekend off from work has been filled with certain events that caused for being on time to something, it can give me mixed feelings when its over. I feel that even though I may have enjoyed the event, my time "off" to have my own time, is over.
I'm not one to ever feel bored. I enjoy my life, my home, my "things". I have my own interests, even if they don't seem like much excitment to another, to me they fill me. Work takes a big chunk of time through the week. I'm busy and the days usually fly by. After work, there is no place I'd rather be than home. My home is more enjoyable to me than any other form of entertainment. Its the one place that I feel I can breath easy, that I feel at peace, that I am in comfort, and that I make my own time. It is at home that I have all I need or want, including things to do. I enjoy cooking on the weekends or on days that I'm not working. I enjoy watching my shows, even though I'm not a huge television fan. I enjoy scrapbooking, making pictures, being on the computer. I enjoy my family, and I love my grandchildren and their visits. I love having my Noah over night and visiting. I love a good movie or book. I love coloring posters; the more complicated the better. I love flowers and my gardens. I love decorating and even cleaning my home when I can go through it at an easy pace. I love to write and create. I have never been bored even at home.
Well now I face a challenge before me. "Having" to be at home because I'm laid up for a few months. I am now trying to prepare for this not only with my husband and my home; getting ready the necessary things I will need in order to do the simplest, like take a shower and wash my hair. I'm trying to prepare for the burden of not being able to walk on my own for at least 3 months. My surgery is scheduled for June 28, 2012. I dread it yet want it over with as soon as possible, just so I can get on with the recovery. Right now, It hangs over my head. I look up on the internest and read about it. It seems to make me even more nervous, however reading about it has given me some ideas and thats what brought me to this blog once again. I've read many other's "journel" of this procedure and of their recovery process. Where this is something that I am going to be able to do; write, and this is a place, this blog, that has brought me peace of mind so many times by writing in it, here I come. I'm going to keep a journal of this procedure. Hopefully, some day I will look back and see what I have accomplished.
Since the surgery was discussed and decided upon, I have waves of nervousness inside me. Surprisingly, I have also not been able to sleep late in the morning either. Whether working or not, I'm awake and ready to get up way before the alarm goes off. I've never had surgery before, and I've never been unable to walk on my own or do the things I want to do, on my own. Don offered to move my bedroom down stairs in the dining room for the next however long months. I'm stubborn. I will try the stairs to get to my bedroom even if I crawl up them and slide down them on my butt. I thought perhaps I should get a second pair of crutches to keep upstairs and one for down stairs, as I won't be able to pull them up and down with me. I ordered a shower chair today. It will come in next week and Don is installing a shower head with hand held sprayer. It will be months before I can bring my foot into the water. I also want to get a couple of counter stools/chairs for the kitchen, so I can work at the counter without having to stand with crutches under my arms.
I've been preparing the paperwork that was sent to me in the mail by my doctor. I feel a bit overwhelmed with upcoming appointments next week and having to leave work to go to them and then return to work again. Though I have them all written down, there is alot to remember even now.
So, in the Beauty of Life, I will move ahead and part of my healing process will be to write it all here. Part of it will also be what helps me not go crazy, and the things I find to keep me busy. The simpliest things that I have always taken for granted; how I am able to work around them all.
I'm not one to ever feel bored. I enjoy my life, my home, my "things". I have my own interests, even if they don't seem like much excitment to another, to me they fill me. Work takes a big chunk of time through the week. I'm busy and the days usually fly by. After work, there is no place I'd rather be than home. My home is more enjoyable to me than any other form of entertainment. Its the one place that I feel I can breath easy, that I feel at peace, that I am in comfort, and that I make my own time. It is at home that I have all I need or want, including things to do. I enjoy cooking on the weekends or on days that I'm not working. I enjoy watching my shows, even though I'm not a huge television fan. I enjoy scrapbooking, making pictures, being on the computer. I enjoy my family, and I love my grandchildren and their visits. I love having my Noah over night and visiting. I love a good movie or book. I love coloring posters; the more complicated the better. I love flowers and my gardens. I love decorating and even cleaning my home when I can go through it at an easy pace. I love to write and create. I have never been bored even at home.
Well now I face a challenge before me. "Having" to be at home because I'm laid up for a few months. I am now trying to prepare for this not only with my husband and my home; getting ready the necessary things I will need in order to do the simplest, like take a shower and wash my hair. I'm trying to prepare for the burden of not being able to walk on my own for at least 3 months. My surgery is scheduled for June 28, 2012. I dread it yet want it over with as soon as possible, just so I can get on with the recovery. Right now, It hangs over my head. I look up on the internest and read about it. It seems to make me even more nervous, however reading about it has given me some ideas and thats what brought me to this blog once again. I've read many other's "journel" of this procedure and of their recovery process. Where this is something that I am going to be able to do; write, and this is a place, this blog, that has brought me peace of mind so many times by writing in it, here I come. I'm going to keep a journal of this procedure. Hopefully, some day I will look back and see what I have accomplished.
Since the surgery was discussed and decided upon, I have waves of nervousness inside me. Surprisingly, I have also not been able to sleep late in the morning either. Whether working or not, I'm awake and ready to get up way before the alarm goes off. I've never had surgery before, and I've never been unable to walk on my own or do the things I want to do, on my own. Don offered to move my bedroom down stairs in the dining room for the next however long months. I'm stubborn. I will try the stairs to get to my bedroom even if I crawl up them and slide down them on my butt. I thought perhaps I should get a second pair of crutches to keep upstairs and one for down stairs, as I won't be able to pull them up and down with me. I ordered a shower chair today. It will come in next week and Don is installing a shower head with hand held sprayer. It will be months before I can bring my foot into the water. I also want to get a couple of counter stools/chairs for the kitchen, so I can work at the counter without having to stand with crutches under my arms.
I've been preparing the paperwork that was sent to me in the mail by my doctor. I feel a bit overwhelmed with upcoming appointments next week and having to leave work to go to them and then return to work again. Though I have them all written down, there is alot to remember even now.
So, in the Beauty of Life, I will move ahead and part of my healing process will be to write it all here. Part of it will also be what helps me not go crazy, and the things I find to keep me busy. The simpliest things that I have always taken for granted; how I am able to work around them all.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
March 25, 2012
Its been awhile since I've written on here but its not because I have not wanted to. I have thought many times that I want to come here and write, but just did not take the time to do so. What has run through my mind so many times that I wanted to come here and write about is what a wonderful family that I have. Believe me, I often think of exactly that. Those that fill my life really, and I do think about that with gratefulness, daily. Today is the 6th anniversary of my mother's passing. Today, I have come here to write on my family. I have thought of my mother alot lately. This is the time of year that my ordered daffodills came in and the pussy willows in my mother's memory garden have blossomed. Rather than sadness, things such as that bring a different kind of meaning to me, one of closeness now. Maybe that is why that recently I have been feeling a special kind of inner gratitude to having such a special family, as I have been privileged to have.
I still think of my mother in the way of wondering what she might think about different situations. I always would ask her what she thought of this or that. In my mind, I still do. It can be the simpliest thing, such as wondering what she would of thought of this early warmth we have had this March. It has felt like June rather than March. I have wondered lots on what she would be thinking about the world's state at this time as that was something we often talked about. I also wonder how'd she react to Noah, because I know that she would of found him as adorable as we all do. I wonder what she would of thought of how big Kelsey and Ashley are now. I wonder many things.
Moreso though, I can sit in the quietness of a day and just appreciate the family that I've been blessed to have. I often think of how fortunate I am to have two wonderful son-in-laws. This has doubled the joys of my two daughters, as they have brought into our family two wonderful sons to me, also. They are wonderful Dads. All that really matters to me, surrounds me. Many things have changed over the years, over the past 6 years since my mother was here with us. Some things have been wonderful changes, and some things not so wonderful changes, but life goes on and it is what it is. I still am very grateful for all that I have in my life.
Though my Mother is not here to share in it, she is, because to me, she is everywhere and a part of everything. She is a part of us all and I see her in each one of us, at different times. I often think also on how she always feared that my sister and brother and I might have our differences and part. I know that is always a fear of a mother as we want ours to always be there for one another. I have found over time that we haven't found differences, but alikeness more and more. We have become closer over time. As it should be. I often just stop and think to myself, "its the three of us". And then, I think of us all and its many of us, holding together, and sharing our lives. Family.
I miss you Ma and love you dearly.
I still think of my mother in the way of wondering what she might think about different situations. I always would ask her what she thought of this or that. In my mind, I still do. It can be the simpliest thing, such as wondering what she would of thought of this early warmth we have had this March. It has felt like June rather than March. I have wondered lots on what she would be thinking about the world's state at this time as that was something we often talked about. I also wonder how'd she react to Noah, because I know that she would of found him as adorable as we all do. I wonder what she would of thought of how big Kelsey and Ashley are now. I wonder many things.
Moreso though, I can sit in the quietness of a day and just appreciate the family that I've been blessed to have. I often think of how fortunate I am to have two wonderful son-in-laws. This has doubled the joys of my two daughters, as they have brought into our family two wonderful sons to me, also. They are wonderful Dads. All that really matters to me, surrounds me. Many things have changed over the years, over the past 6 years since my mother was here with us. Some things have been wonderful changes, and some things not so wonderful changes, but life goes on and it is what it is. I still am very grateful for all that I have in my life.
Though my Mother is not here to share in it, she is, because to me, she is everywhere and a part of everything. She is a part of us all and I see her in each one of us, at different times. I often think also on how she always feared that my sister and brother and I might have our differences and part. I know that is always a fear of a mother as we want ours to always be there for one another. I have found over time that we haven't found differences, but alikeness more and more. We have become closer over time. As it should be. I often just stop and think to myself, "its the three of us". And then, I think of us all and its many of us, holding together, and sharing our lives. Family.
I miss you Ma and love you dearly.