"One More Day"..... Written By Barbara

"If I were to have one more day with my Mother, it may possibly be cherished, more than the years I was given to love her. I would try not to waste that heavenly day with tears, although it would be extremely hard. Instead, I would embrace her, like I've never embraced. I would cup her beautiful face in my hand and look at her like I've never looked before. I would kiss her cheek, like I've never kissed a cheek. We would talk of our times together and listen to our favorite songs. I would ask her to tell me of her life, I would pay more attention to her stories and pictures of her youth and ask what meant most to her. I would know her more in one day, than I have in my lifetime. I would say I was sorry, for some things that are still on my mind, and she would forgive me, for her love is unconditional, I would be free and feel I gave my best to her. On this precious day, I would almost not want to share her, then again, I would be bursting to want to tell our family of this miracle, and that she is alright. I would hold her hand like I've never held a hand. I would feel her Motherly warmth, like I have never felt.I would melt in her arms, like I did as a child. I would try to be brave and in control, so that I could remember this day clearly. I would tell her how much I want to be like her. We would talk softly, and I would ask her advise, as I always did. I would make her laugh, as I always did. I would have a day with her I've never had. I would make this day with her last, for I would kiss her good-night and keep her spirit in my heart, forever. This is how I would spend one day with , You, Ma, my sweet Mother, and friend. I love you, Barb.

Happy 4th of July!

Independence Day!

Happy Birthday, America!

~

“I pledge allegiance

to the flag

of the United States

of America,

and to the Republic

for which it stands.

One nation under God,

indivisible,

with liberty and justice

for all.”

~

The Anthem

The Defense of Fort McHenry

by Francis Scott Key

20 September 1814

Oh, say can you see,

by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed

at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars,

through the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched,

were so gallantly streaming?

And the rockets' red glare,

the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night

that our flag was still there.

O say, does that star-spangled banner

yet wave

O'er the land of the free

and the home
of the brave?

~

To hear these words

to sing them

Always bring tears to my eyes

Patriotic songs and words

can do that.

I love my country.

My appreciation has only grown

since, 9/11/2001.

I remember that day well

and will never forget.

So, i celebrate this 4th of July

once again

with a tear in my eye

and

a forever growing appreciation

in my heart.

I love America

and I have been blessed

to be an American.

Happy 4th of July, All!

~Opal~

Reason, Season, Lifetime..

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life.....

"And it seems to me you lived
your life
Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in"

Looking back, remembering

Tonight, I worked on changing the title part of this site. Those red lillies, just opening outside my kitchen window, are the deepest of red. Beautiful and yet, I don't remember them there before. I was looking out the door and saw them, blooming fully, and brilliantly. The rains, which have seemed to be never ending this spring, took a break, and I was able to snap a few pictures of these lillies. The yard looks absolutely beautiful in color. Everything is opening this year, despite lack of sun. Its like a tropical forest outside with the steamy humidity and rains. The lawns are deep lush green. Lillies in yellow, reds, oranges, whites, and pinks are blooming. Three rose bushes are full and open. There is purples and yellows, to name a few, of other flowers opening beautifully and I love checking each day what is new.

For some reason, tonight after working on the title here, i scrolled down and read some of my posts from the first year that I was writing here. Amazingly, what I have come to see more and more, is how healing and grieving took place in those early days, when I poured my soul out here and tears until it began to change here, into other things called living. Looking back, and reading forward, I can almost see this change occuring. Still, there are many times I think of her, my mother, of course and still there are times which I grieve. I miss her. Sometimes when I look around me, I can't help but wish she could share in what is now, that she had not seen. Like these red lillies. I know how she'd admire them. I once got her lillies, a rare color in reds, and she spoke of them forever after. And of course, Noah. I think of that often. How he would of amazed her and how she would of loved him so. Still, as with all else, I have to believe she does see him, because she is a part of every one of us. After all, he has her blue eyes.

I read my writing tonight that i had written on her first anniversary of being gone. It easily brought it all back to me, even the emotions felt seemed to just wash right over me again as though I had just written it. Yet, I appreciated reading it and even feeling it again. I am grateful that I wrote it and have even the memory of pain, because its all part of remembering and healing. I think, I will always be healing but just in a different stage of it. I don't dwell. I am able to look back at the good times and speak happily of them with others. They are a part of me, of who I am, of who we all are.

I have passed by her birthday this year and Mother's Day, without writing on here. It does not mean that she was not in my thoughts and in my heart on those days. She is every day. One seems to run into another now, as I have been through the year, and those days have become easier, not easy but easier. As much as any other day, really. There are the days which I need to just let her into my thoughts and go with them. Sometimes, a smile comes across my face and sometimes a tear. Or, two. I have shared this site with many, in hopes that it might bring them to realize also, that really, we are all alike on an emotional level. And that writing and sharing really can and does help. I have printed every page of this site, placed it into a book and will leave behind for the beauty found in the memories kept alive.

I think often on a project that my sister and I are to do. One that she has done and waits for me to complete. "One More Day".

One More Day

If I had one more day to spend with my Mother, it would be a magical day. It would be a magical day because there would be no time limits on it. It would stretch the 24 hour limit. Time would not matter. Still, there would be a most beautiful sun rise, and we would watch it begin this special day.

There would be no pain, no lacking of energy, no worries. For once, it would be a day which would be experienced as perfect and would always remembered as such.

We would spend the morning on Hampton Beach, watching the sun rise, because my Mother loved the beach, the ocean, the sand, the waves, and early morning it is quiet and peaceful,as it is on this day we are together. We are all there, my sister, brother; husbands, children, grandchildren, and we sip on hot coffee, and nibble on orange marmalade jellied toast.

-

The sun rises, yet there is a cool breeze. I listen to her tell of her stories of youth, as she loved to do. About her father, her brother, and how they called her father "Windy" because everyone would hear him coming from miles away. She loves to tell of these stories. Of how much she loved her younger brother, Ray. How special she would say that he is to her. Its important for her to let us know about her family and where she came. Of course, her special picture album is on the table, she turns each page slowly, after telling of each photo. Her grandmother in the long, black dress to the floor. She loved her so. Its important that I listen, its so very important that I hear each word and remember. And, I do, more than I ever have before.

-

Lunch matters none. At least not now. Breakfast comes at noon, lunch comes at supper, and supper comes late evening.

-

She drives, with "On the Road Again", Willie Nelson tapes and Johnny Cash, and we all sing along, as we drive around the white mountains. She loves to drive, take trips, see the beautiful views of the mountains and today is no different. On top of Mt. Washington, we can see forever. The day is clear, warm, sunny. Perfect. We climbed all the way up today, and this time we made it past "Tuckerman's Revene", unlike the last time when we all climbed it and stopped there, 3/4 the way up.

-

She is beautiful with the wind in her hair. Never colored, blonde hair, curls. I see her on this day, as I remember her in a picture with my father, standing on a cruise ship's deck. Her dress blowing in the wind, as well as her hair. Her lips, red. Her skin sunkissed and smooth. Her eyes as blue as the summer sky; crystal.

-

The Weathervane for haddock inbetween.

-

There is an "Early Bird Game"..which she loves, so we laugh lots and set up the lucky charms along the tables edge before us all, and wait with a huge degree of excitment and anxiousness to yell BINGO, because we're all so very close to that one last number! Her sense of humor as keen as ever. She is a sharp one and notices all. And laugh; she keeps you laughing.

-

We stop at the Cinese Restaurant, the one in the small strip mall that she loves, on the way home. She says she can't eat all of that! Her take out container filled. But, she does just about finish it and then puts the rest away for tomorrow.

Sitting around, in the large room off the kitchen of the camp, the one my father added on later' "The party room", we share mics and sing "Green Green Grass of Home", "Lucille", and so many others of her favorites. She always loved these singalongs; a group; a good time. Of course, in this special, perfect day, the day is filled with these songs.

We watch a few shows and movies; This old show that we'd laugh for hours over, "Mary Mary". Pop some popcorn, peel some juicy dripping mouth watering sweet grapefruit, and then watch Jay Leno of course. But the night is still young, its not nearing it's end, and we watch that old movie "HomeBodies" once again. And laugh, again, like its our first time.

-

Of course, with every part of this day and through it all, I hear her. I really, really listen. Her words, as always, tell me of everything that I need to know. She speaks about life, and world matters; the depression and money; of family and relationships; of enjoyment and pains. She tells me of happiness and letting go of sorrow; of not holding onto grudges, as life is too short. Inbetween our travels today, inbetween each meal and each stop, she tells me again, of everything that I will forever need to know. She tells me all thats important, which is every word she speaks. She tells me of the past, of struggles, of the present and of the future. And, in this perfect day, I listen and take in, and hold onto every word, because in this day I have a greater appreciation for her words, knowing that they will become softer. She tells me all of this because she knows. She has lived it and she is wise. She tells me how to love and be loving because she always was and still is, and always will be;

loved.

-

And now that I have finally started this project and written on our day, I don't know how to end it. I don't want to end it but I don't know how to end it either. I can't. And this part had not dawned on me until just now. What I really have described pretty much is lots of typical things done in one of her ordinary days, which seems ordinary but she loved these things and that makes them not so ordinary but every day as special. This IS the perfect day.

I'm not going to end this. I can't. I don't know how. I'm just going to say "I love you, Ma" and that is forever on.

~

Now I see how this perfect day has no limits of time. And as I look back, I realize how I said this would be a "magicial, special perfect" day, yet throughout it, I tell how it is an ordinary day, which she loved. How special it is in an ordinary day, if we make it so.

Wind Beneath My Wings

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.