Saturday, April 21, 2007
Special Quote.........
"Healing is contagious, it is a vigil of the spirit, from one soul to another"
Friday, April 20, 2007
An open letter to my Mother...through my thoughts-whispers-dreams..
Hi Ma,
This sure is difficult, but have to tell you how your family is. We all miss you and still hurt, but its a little better. I do wonder, if the hurt goes away does this mean we are forgetting? I should think not!
It amazes me, when I think of your grandchildren, the closeness they feel for you. I don't remember feeling quite like that when my grandmother passed.
Always think of how thankful I am to have moved up here to be near you. What a friendship between us developed. Your daily calls, when I answered you said "just checking in" and I would say "Hey Girlfriend!" with always a response of "Hey sister"! Then the usual talk of how we slept that night, how you felt, which your answer was that you didn't know, as you weren't awake yet. Then we'd talk about our plans together for the day. How Jack and I loved cooking for you, and there was a daily delivery of our "meals on wheels" to you.
You know how we all loved being with you. Seeing you always in good spirits, which always lifted ours; the comforting conversations, your guidance, and unforgetable hugs!
Bev has started a web site, a tribute to you. It would melt your heart at the same time make you laugh. Your pictures of the past and present are there, as pictures of your family. Memories and feelings are written by all of us. I never thought of something like this, it keeps us going and keeps us close.
Althought nothing is the same, we are doing the best we can, sometimes words don't even have to be said, when we are together, there is an understanding, we embrace each othes feelings softly.
I can't close this letter, Ma. I don't want to, so with all our memories, feelings and poems, written for you, this will stay an open letter, as i will always be in touch.
To my wonderful and beautiful Mother....
Love, Barb
This sure is difficult, but have to tell you how your family is. We all miss you and still hurt, but its a little better. I do wonder, if the hurt goes away does this mean we are forgetting? I should think not!
It amazes me, when I think of your grandchildren, the closeness they feel for you. I don't remember feeling quite like that when my grandmother passed.
Always think of how thankful I am to have moved up here to be near you. What a friendship between us developed. Your daily calls, when I answered you said "just checking in" and I would say "Hey Girlfriend!" with always a response of "Hey sister"! Then the usual talk of how we slept that night, how you felt, which your answer was that you didn't know, as you weren't awake yet. Then we'd talk about our plans together for the day. How Jack and I loved cooking for you, and there was a daily delivery of our "meals on wheels" to you.
You know how we all loved being with you. Seeing you always in good spirits, which always lifted ours; the comforting conversations, your guidance, and unforgetable hugs!
Bev has started a web site, a tribute to you. It would melt your heart at the same time make you laugh. Your pictures of the past and present are there, as pictures of your family. Memories and feelings are written by all of us. I never thought of something like this, it keeps us going and keeps us close.
Althought nothing is the same, we are doing the best we can, sometimes words don't even have to be said, when we are together, there is an understanding, we embrace each othes feelings softly.
I can't close this letter, Ma. I don't want to, so with all our memories, feelings and poems, written for you, this will stay an open letter, as i will always be in touch.
To my wonderful and beautiful Mother....
Love, Barb
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Sacred soul.....
"What we have deeply loved we can never lose, for all we love deeply becomes a part of us"
Remember me....
Remember me when flowers bloomEarly in the spring
Remember me on sunny days
In the fun that summer brings
Remember me in the fall
As you walk through leaves of gold
And remember me in wintertime
In the stories that are told
But most of all remember
Each day-right from the start
I will be forever near
For I live within your heart.
What A Wonderful World.....
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom, for me and for you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
~
I see skies of blue, and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
~
The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces, of the people going by
I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do
They're really saying, I love you.
~
I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more, then I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
~
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world..
Oh yeah...
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Generations....
Family Tree.....
We begin with a few generations...in the pictures below,
My Mother, her sister and brother...
Myself, my sister and brother...
My children: 2 daughters and a son.
So, it will begin with us, right here..
For my Mother and my Father,
For my sister and brother,
For my children and grandchildren...
Husbands and wives and cousins...
For all that come to find roots and understanding..
For peace and enjoyment..
For tears and laughter and memories...
Slblings: Ray, Doris (our mother) and Grace
Brother Ray and Doris (our mother)
Ray and Grace
(Brother and sister)
Our Graduation Pictures of the Three of us...
Barb's Graduation picture: 1960
Bill's Graduation: 1964
Bill's Graduation: 1964
Opal's Graduation picture; 1971
Blind Heart....
So many questions now, I wished that I had asked,
I look at your face, of porcelain flesh
Beauty I had not known before
I had not looked
Beyond.
~
So many thoughts now race in my mind of you
I look at your youth, and I crave to touch
A warmth I had not known before
I had not felt
Inside.
~
How could you have ever known back then,
How deeply loved you would have been
By those whom surrounded you
To know you beyond a glance
Within.
~
So many feelings now, that I wished that I had felt.
I look beyond what I've known and see
A hunger to know you more
A craving deep within me
to fill my soul
with
you.
Thoughts.......
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots; the other, wings"
Sunday, April 8, 2007
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My Mother's Story....
Doris, our mother, was born on January 25, 1920 in Concord, New Hampshire.
Her father’s name was Alfred Allard whom was 45 years old at the time of her birth. Alfred was born in Canada and resided in Concord, N.H. His occupation was a Brakeman for the railroads.
Doris’s mother was Mary Redhead (maiden name). She was born in England and gave birth to Doris when she was 32 years old.
Doris had an older sister, Grace and a younger brother Ray. They grew up in Concord N.H. Her father, Alfred owned much land in Concord, N.H., in which streets remain named “Allard Street” and other names which he gave them related to family members.
My mother told us of many stories of her family in growing up. Their struggles through the great depression; their father whom was nick named “Windy Allard” because he was always loud, yelling and quite a wild soul whom liked his times out and drinking. One thing said of him was that that he always believed of an education; they had to have an education. I never knew him, though I did know my Grandmother and remember her. Mary and Alfred divorced. My mother lost contact with her father, but I can barely remember my mother telling me about her learning of his death.
My grandmother, Mary remarried to a man named “Hebert Knowlton”. I remember visiting them in Roxbury Mass. They lived in a high rise across the street from the Franklin Park Zoo, which I had been taken a few times. I remember their apartment quite well and going there for dinner from time to time. Herbert was a nice, quiet, thin and tall man and he was “old”, I remember. I remember dinners were always tasty that my grandmother would make. A mixed vegetable was always served and I’ve never enjoyed such a dish since my grandmother’s.
My grandmother painted oil paints. We had many of these framed pictures in our home as did other family members. They were quite nice and it did appear she was talented. There are some of these paintings still about.
My mother’s grandmother, (my great-grandmother), my mother love her. They had a very close relationship. It is said that she was very religious and could only read the bible on Sundays. She made my mother, when she was little, a little red cape which she cherished. When “Doris’s” grandmother became very ill and bedridden in their home, Doris would go and sit beside her in silence, not knowing what to say, but wanting to remain by her side. She just adored her.
My mother moved with her family to Raymond, NH, where she graduated from Raymond H.S. in 1937 of a class of 13. It is said that she read every book in the Raymond library. After graduation, she worked at a golf course as a waitress. Jobs were very scarce. She always spoke of her “little brother Ray”; she loved him dearly and always protected him. He was a shy, timid boy, whom he overcame but still she always watched over him.
Her relationship with her sister Grace was not close, nor even good. Though there were times throughout their lives there were some good times. When my mother and father were dating, it was my father who introduced Grace to a friend of his in the service, which in time, she married.
Three years after graduating from high school, on March 4, 1939, Doris and William married. It was after their marriage, that the great depression came and World War II. Their first child was born about a year after they married. A daughter named Lois Elaine. This child was born with heart defects, which my mother was unaware. The doctors informed my father only and my mother was never told. Lois Elaine died when she was 3 weeks old.
My father was drafted into the service of which he had already served and he went over seas. He was stationed in Hawaii for awhile. These were very difficult times.
Her father’s name was Alfred Allard whom was 45 years old at the time of her birth. Alfred was born in Canada and resided in Concord, N.H. His occupation was a Brakeman for the railroads.
Doris’s mother was Mary Redhead (maiden name). She was born in England and gave birth to Doris when she was 32 years old.
Doris had an older sister, Grace and a younger brother Ray. They grew up in Concord N.H. Her father, Alfred owned much land in Concord, N.H., in which streets remain named “Allard Street” and other names which he gave them related to family members.
My mother told us of many stories of her family in growing up. Their struggles through the great depression; their father whom was nick named “Windy Allard” because he was always loud, yelling and quite a wild soul whom liked his times out and drinking. One thing said of him was that that he always believed of an education; they had to have an education. I never knew him, though I did know my Grandmother and remember her. Mary and Alfred divorced. My mother lost contact with her father, but I can barely remember my mother telling me about her learning of his death.
My grandmother, Mary remarried to a man named “Hebert Knowlton”. I remember visiting them in Roxbury Mass. They lived in a high rise across the street from the Franklin Park Zoo, which I had been taken a few times. I remember their apartment quite well and going there for dinner from time to time. Herbert was a nice, quiet, thin and tall man and he was “old”, I remember. I remember dinners were always tasty that my grandmother would make. A mixed vegetable was always served and I’ve never enjoyed such a dish since my grandmother’s.
My grandmother painted oil paints. We had many of these framed pictures in our home as did other family members. They were quite nice and it did appear she was talented. There are some of these paintings still about.
My mother’s grandmother, (my great-grandmother), my mother love her. They had a very close relationship. It is said that she was very religious and could only read the bible on Sundays. She made my mother, when she was little, a little red cape which she cherished. When “Doris’s” grandmother became very ill and bedridden in their home, Doris would go and sit beside her in silence, not knowing what to say, but wanting to remain by her side. She just adored her.
My mother moved with her family to Raymond, NH, where she graduated from Raymond H.S. in 1937 of a class of 13. It is said that she read every book in the Raymond library. After graduation, she worked at a golf course as a waitress. Jobs were very scarce. She always spoke of her “little brother Ray”; she loved him dearly and always protected him. He was a shy, timid boy, whom he overcame but still she always watched over him.
Her relationship with her sister Grace was not close, nor even good. Though there were times throughout their lives there were some good times. When my mother and father were dating, it was my father who introduced Grace to a friend of his in the service, which in time, she married.
Three years after graduating from high school, on March 4, 1939, Doris and William married. It was after their marriage, that the great depression came and World War II. Their first child was born about a year after they married. A daughter named Lois Elaine. This child was born with heart defects, which my mother was unaware. The doctors informed my father only and my mother was never told. Lois Elaine died when she was 3 weeks old.
My father was drafted into the service of which he had already served and he went over seas. He was stationed in Hawaii for awhile. These were very difficult times.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
In The Living Years
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Lessons of Life...
~When someone dies, you don't get over it by forgetting, You get over it by remembering, and you are aware that no person is truely lost or gone once they have been in our life, and loved us as we have loved them.~
What I Found...
Upon cleaning my mother's home one day, I found a pouch with a tiny snap on it. I opened it and found an old, almost black, broken ring. I was unsure what it was exactly but I placed it back as it was. Over time, I had forgotton about it.It wasn't until my sister and I were cleaning my mother's belongings out of her home after she had passed away, when I found that little golden case, with the tiny snap. I brought it to my sister and asked her "Could this be Ma's wedding ring?", before looking at it my sister informed me that our mother's ring had to be cut off her finger many, many years ago.
I carefully opened the case again, and looked at it. There, this almost black ring was cut on one side of it, and it was a bit twisted. I showed it to my sister. Yes, it was my mother's wedding ring. It was so black, you could hardly make out that it was indeed, a wedding ring. I asked her if she would not mind that I kept this ring of my mother's. My sister was fine with that.
I took this broken, twisted, black ring to a jeweler and designed with him how I wanted this ring. In about two weeks, he called me that it was ready to be picked up.
I carefully opened the small pouch and to my surprise, my mother's ring was of the shiniest gold. It had beautiful engraving all around it, almost like a vine. It had been cleaned so well that every detail shined brightly and clearly.
I had it made into a necklace for me. I added the birth stones of my Father (March; blue: blue Aquamarine) next to his was my sister's for October (pink/tourmaline rather than opal); next is my brother's for Decemeber (lighter blue: Blue Zircon) and then mine for October once again, pink/tourmaline. This was attached well to a gold chain.
Now I wear my Mother's wedding ring, in a beautiful necklace and it has become a part of us all. This ring, necklace is something very special and will always be kept in our family.
`Gone Too Soon'
Like A Comet Blazing,
Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon.
Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon.
Shiny And Sparkly
And Spendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night.
Like The Loss Of Sunshine
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon.
Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon.
Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night.
Like A Sunset Dying
With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon.
For All Of Us....
"When we ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have choosen rather to share our pain & touch our wounds, with a gentle & tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing & face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.+and+friends.jpg)
My Father & Mother...
My mother and father were in
Love when very young and
remained together for a life
time. He was her Hero.
My father thought the world of my mother.
Love when very young and
remained together for a life
time. He was her Hero.
My father thought the world of my mother.He idealized her, and knew of her beauty inside
and out.
They were each other's first loves.
That is what my mother
told me.
He was her everything.
and..
She was his, everything.
Sweet, Sweet Emails....Remember when..
Date: 3/10/2007 10:18:21 AM
To:Opal
Subject: Re: goodnight
I remember when snow was melting, it ran through the wooden porches. I can hear the dripping now, the smell of someone cooking sp. sauce, uncle Ray lived with ma & dad for awhile, I threw his alarm clock out the window, when he would be reading the paper, I would walk by him and smack the paper, he would jump!! I had to be between 3-4 yrs. old, we lived on a very big hill, when I was in someone's car, we could barely make it up the hill, remember almost holding my breath, so scared. One time I took off, always curious what was at the bottom, finally walked down this big hill, there were so many people walking, shopping etc., lots of cars, I somehow hooked up with some little girl going to the store for mother, asked if I could go with her, after asked her if she would take me home, I was lost, she said no, so I remember laying on sidewalk screaming, I panicked, some woman looked at me said, what's the matter with her, finally the police took me home, somehow, saw ma's face in window, she was in shock!!! This is JUST one of the stories in the big city, LOL. Barb
Date: 3/10/2007 8:43:38 PM
To: Opal
Subject: Re: 6:30pmIn Weymouth, back there again, ma had to be pregnant with you at the time; I took a big paper bag and stuffed it under my shirt, and told all my friends I was HAVING A BABY!!! I walked around like I had back pain and everything, they just watched me like I was nuts!!! I remember why most of the neighbors did not like me, I was VERY bossy! I was always telling kids what to do! But they did it!!
Date: 3/10/2007 9:07:23 PM
To: Opal
Oh, another thing, I was getting too old to play house, which I realized when Bill and I was playing. I was probably in the 8TH grade, He was the father, I was the wife, we had a big teddy bear for the baby, I sent him OUTSIDE with the bear, to sit in a peddle car, probably yours, to take the" baby" for a ride, well, when I saw how STUPID he looked, I pointed out the window of the sun porch, and laughed like hell at him!! HE was so pissed at me; we never played again, what a POOR sport!! LOL
To:Opal
Subject: Re: goodnight
I remember when snow was melting, it ran through the wooden porches. I can hear the dripping now, the smell of someone cooking sp. sauce, uncle Ray lived with ma & dad for awhile, I threw his alarm clock out the window, when he would be reading the paper, I would walk by him and smack the paper, he would jump!! I had to be between 3-4 yrs. old, we lived on a very big hill, when I was in someone's car, we could barely make it up the hill, remember almost holding my breath, so scared. One time I took off, always curious what was at the bottom, finally walked down this big hill, there were so many people walking, shopping etc., lots of cars, I somehow hooked up with some little girl going to the store for mother, asked if I could go with her, after asked her if she would take me home, I was lost, she said no, so I remember laying on sidewalk screaming, I panicked, some woman looked at me said, what's the matter with her, finally the police took me home, somehow, saw ma's face in window, she was in shock!!! This is JUST one of the stories in the big city, LOL. Barb
Date: 3/10/2007 8:43:38 PM
To: Opal
Subject: Re: 6:30pmIn Weymouth, back there again, ma had to be pregnant with you at the time; I took a big paper bag and stuffed it under my shirt, and told all my friends I was HAVING A BABY!!! I walked around like I had back pain and everything, they just watched me like I was nuts!!! I remember why most of the neighbors did not like me, I was VERY bossy! I was always telling kids what to do! But they did it!!
Date: 3/10/2007 9:07:23 PM
To: Opal
Oh, another thing, I was getting too old to play house, which I realized when Bill and I was playing. I was probably in the 8TH grade, He was the father, I was the wife, we had a big teddy bear for the baby, I sent him OUTSIDE with the bear, to sit in a peddle car, probably yours, to take the" baby" for a ride, well, when I saw how STUPID he looked, I pointed out the window of the sun porch, and laughed like hell at him!! HE was so pissed at me; we never played again, what a POOR sport!! LOL